Rose asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 4 months ago

As a teenager who wants to move out but is unsure how, any advice?

I have been have a lot of issues between my brother and I, it has been affecting me a lot and is emotionally tiring me. My parents can't stop him from being a jerk and I'm honestly sick of him. I'll be going to a college that is close so I don't have to move out, but I feel like I need to. My parents are very clingly and overprotective of me as the first child to leave the nest, and since I'm a female they are concerned for my safety. Yet I'm responsible, I know how to take care of myself and I feel as I am able to learn to live on my own. My friends say even though I don't have to move, leaving my home will give me peace and the true college experience

However, even if I do convince them I'm not rich enough to live on my own. My closest girl friends will be moving, and I'm nervous about looking for a room mate (I'm socially anxious and have trouble trusting new people), but one of my friends is a guy whom could potentially be my room mate. However, I am absolutely terrified of bringing this idea up to my parents as they might think we are dating and want our room to do things... but we are just friends and besides I like someone else. As for safety reasons would I really consider him as my room mate if I did not trust him? My parents are religious and they might think I want to do it with my guy friend... so... that js probably not happening.

Any thoughts, advice for finding a room mate and convincing my parents? Your opinions on me having a guy room mate? As a parent?

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  • 4 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Here are some general suggestions I make to younger teens in case you might get some helpful ideas from them. Ask to have a serious discussion with your parents about how they see things panning out in the coming months and years. It needs to be fairly rational, so if one of you becomes too emotional (e.g. angry) it would be best to time out and try again another time. Prepare in advance what you would like to say and ask: write a plan, even. 

      

    As you reach each birthday, for example, or each new school year, what rights, freedoms and responsibilities will you have? Chores, pocket money, curfews, dating, etc. will all come into it, obviously. You can't really expect something for nothing, so think about what you can put into the family and household as part of your negotiations as to what you can get.  

     

    If you are to grow into a responsible adult, it must be a gradual process: if they keep you wrapped up in cotton wool and then suddenly let you out of the box at eighteen, you won't have enough experience to know how to handle it.  

    That said, your parent(s) is/are responsible for your safety and welfare during this time: no doubt they love you and they themselves have the experiences you don't yet. Seeing things on t.v. and hearing your friends' (exaggerated?) stories aren't quite the same.  

     

    If they don't want to do this, ask them if they will please consider a plan and talk again in a week or so. All plans need to be a little flexible, as unexpected things can happen, of course.  

     

    Hopefully this will show that you have a maturing attitude to your family and your life.   

     

    As for your brother. People who are feeling confident and secure and have self respect don't feel a need to call people names, criticise, bully, shout, etc.  

     

    Bullies want attention, and my general feelings are that if people allow them to get their way through fear (the ultimate emotional reaction) they are succeeding and will continue. One way to combat verbal bullying is not to ignore them completely as this shows that they are getting to you, but demonstrate that you have heard the remark or whatever with a glance, dismissive wave or brief response ("oh yes", or similar) and THEN ignore them. Why should you care what such a pathetic person thinks of you? (Only weak and needy people feel a need to bully). Alternatively, or in addition, try to use some humour (U.K. spellings!). It need not be mocking humour, but some light-hearted banter can often diffuse situations. 

     

    Put on an imaginary suit of golden armour, and visualise the unkind remarks (or those you perceive to be unkind - be very careful not to imagine a slight when none is intended) as arrows, harmlessly bouncing off your armour and falling to the ground. 

     

    If the abuse is physical, you could join a martial arts or self defence class. Or even check out some moves on Youtube. Learn to defend yourself without retaliating.  

       

    Good Luck!    

      

     

  • Papa-G
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    YOUNG PEOPLE ASK

    Am I Ready to Leave Home?

    https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/teenagers/as...

  • 4 months ago

    I think you've probably summed up your parents' concerns very well indeed. And as the pioneer freedom-seeker you will have a more difficult time than your bro when it's his turn to go. It would be easier to get another college girl to share a room with - or if there were more of you, you could maybe try a flat-share and perhaps a couple more people in the mix including your male friend to spread the costs. That might be more acceptable. You should investigate the sort of accommodation and costs the college might provide or if anyone locally is looking for a lodger. I'm sure the college bursar could help with advice on that.  I think you should perhaps look for a part time job to help pay for part of the costs.  Your parents aren't going to be too helpful as they don't want to lose you at all.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    I was offered free karate lessons once and refused. Murder has been tried on me three times, so far!  I wish had had taken them early. I did go to a karate school in the 1980s! 

    Over sixty Million Girls and Woman have already been Raped, just in the USA!  And an even larger amount were Attempted Raped, yet got away!  Very few have Not been Raped - yet!  Female homosexuals have also been Raping other girls and woman! 

    Over 26 Million Boys and young Men have been Raped by male homosexuals just in the USA! 

    Then there are all the other crimes! 

    Pray to GOD for help here. See if GOD wants you to aim into a certain direction? 

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  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    You have 2 choices. Find a source of income and move out or stop at home.

    Leaving home is daunting, difficult for everyone and the learning curve is practically vertical but if that is what you want you will find a way to get through this period. 

    Your issue like most people's  when they move out is sufficient cash and a regular supply of it.

  • 4 months ago

    I think you would be better off going to the school and finding where people post want ads. Every school has them. What you will be looking for is a small group of girls that are renting a house and attending that school. It will be cheaper than splitting rent with one other person and remove the guy friend from the equation. Hopefully, you could find a part-time job that you could make enough to cover your living expenses.

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