Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 2 months ago

Do most kids feel guilty to live at home after age 18? ?

Should I feel guilty if I’m 24 and don’t pay rent? I don’t ask for anything else, but I feel incredibly guilty being at home. Is this normal or is there something wrong? I have always felt like a burden and more of a burden now, but I read that this is normal. Am I wrong?

Update:

So is it wrong to live with parents and not pay for things? I sadly don’t have a job that makes enough right now, but I did offer to pay for things. I pay for other stuff. I still feel like a burden financially cause I don’t help enough financially. 

Update 2:

Does paying for Veterinarian bills count? I have a lot of personal bills. 

Update 3:

I lived with parents to have less loans in college. Can’t find a good job & have massive personal bills. The house is expensive and the state I live in is one of the most expensive places in my country. So yeah idk I’ve been abused growing up and still live wi h in the dysfunctional environment. I just feel super guilty to not pay but also frustrated that I can’t. Also battling depression now so it’s hard 

Update 4:

My parents have always yelled at me to get out & even before age 18. I would just get upset and they would tell me to get out. They then tell me that I can live with them forever. It’s messed up dynamics. Just trying to understand what I can do and if it’s possible to change things. 

10 Answers

Relevance
  • Chanel
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Many adults much older than you still live with their parents.

    I cared for my mum so it would have been a complete waste of money to pay rent and bills to another address and mum told people that she did not know what she would do without me cos I paid half of everything.

    When people live together 24/7 things do get said in the heat of the moment.

    Help with the housework and take care of them when they are unwell. That is all you can do for now until you get a job when this lock down is finally over.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I understand feeling guilty, but please don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sorry if your parents are giving you a hard time/contributing to the fact that you already feel bad about this. I'm in a similar position, as well as many people in our age group and older. I think if you can find ways to cope with the stress/the relationship with your parents may have, then you should continue to live with them and take care of your finances. I'm assuming you live in the US, but even if not I believe there are similar trends across the globe--especially under capitalist systems, and there are many sources to back this up, but wages have barely changed while the cost of living has skyrocketed and so no matter how you may feel and no matter any comparison you may make to your peers who have moved out, understand and know that you're not alone in this predicament. Most of my friends that have moved out don't have the best paying jobs and struggle to make ends meet but due to different circumstances may ration it to be worth it.  I think if you feel comfortable staying at home, a few more years should help you financially.  You've already made it 24 years! You can offer to pay as much as you can, but I'd honestly take a bit of a selfish route (not even selfish, just keeping your interests in mind) and save a percentage up to help move out later--especially if it helps alleviate any guilt since it doesn't seem like your parents are demanding anything in return as of now. It's super normal nowadays, and it's something older generations struggle to understand/accept because of inflation! Not sure if you offered to help pay bills, but you could always offer to help pay utilities and give a portion of any money if you feel that bad. Not to blame your family for the dysfunctions, but you could possibly think of a few "extra" years in the nest to make up for a sort of lack of emotional support.

    It's hard, I never really felt like my parents supported me too much growing up but I've been hospitalized a few times due to mental health and luckily my parents changed the way they view mental illness and have become more sympathetic to my problems. I know not everyone will face similar experiences like mine, but I think it's worth a shot, if you feel it's safe to risk. Many places are also suffering from the COVID-19 pandemic and it's hard to find work now! In the end, your life and safety should be your priority, even if it's hard to actually practice so. In the long run, when you get to a better place, you'll be glad you did so. For now, you have to hang in there and be strong! Weigh out your options because you know your situation best! Don't be too hard on yourself!! Many people are wearing similar shoes :) good luck!

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I think it's totally fine in this day and age with the crazy rents and the low wages due to first world countries flooding in people from the third world in an effort to keep wages and salaries as low as possible. My son is twenty and he lives with me although he does regularly help out with costs as he can on his student allowance. I don't want him wasting money on insane rental and other costs outside the home. I don't expect him to move out at any particular time. Since his father died I don't really want him to go off and leave me to look after his disabled little brother alone tbh.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    As a divorced father with a son I can just guess what’s going on from my own experience. Your parents probably realize that they made a lot of really bad mistakes as parents, Just as I have had to admit the same to myself from my own history as a father who could’ve done a much much much better job. 

    And feeling like you didn’t do a good job as a parent is an incredibly painful realization. I’ve shed any tears about it believe me. Many, many tears. My son is almost estranged from me now even though he’s only 19, he really doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. Because he sees me as such a failure as a father. And a weak person. And I became a father late in life, I’m in my mid-60s now, so it’s really painful.And your parents possibly realize that a lot of your issues are a result of what they did wrong.  That if they’d given you a better upbringing and allowed you to have more confidence in yourself and not have your self-esteem and self confidence torn down by them and others, that  maybe you would be doing better on your own at this point and more independent. I’m just guessing at this because this is what happen with my own life as a father with my own son.So they may get frustrated and want you to move out and be independent at times but then they may realize that maybe the reason you’re NOT more independent is because they didn’t give you a more functional upbringing. So they go back-and-forth. 

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 2 months ago

    Parents shouldn't have children unless they can afford them, I know easier said than done! However, there does come a time when yes you need to give a little something back to show appreciation for all the support they gave you after you've done the colleague bit, or it could come across as kinder like eat and dash. Parents are not asking for the world, even the seriously tough ones that appear to be forever on our cases. That said, you sound as though you've got pets and vet bills are expensive, hence, you now having to foot what initially they did until they possibly felt used as you've not contributed anything so far. As for not being able to find a good job so far? Sometimes you just have to start somewhere as we all don't always begin our 1st job within the profession we studied for!    

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    I'm 24 too am back home with my mom. There's a stigma on what young adults should be doing. Contribute if you can. It's ok to feel how you feel. It's ok to feel guilty even if others don't. Take this time to figure out what you want and how to obtain it.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    Enlist in The Military.  

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    🥴 Yes. You're not supposed to be living at home, rent free. It leaves you idle. Lazy. You have no sense of staked claim.

    And not understanding the hard work your parents or grandparents put in to raising you.

    😏 I have been paying rent since high school. And although I probably would have gotten away with being rent free too under different circumstances?

    My money would always go to something useful to benefit the entire family.

    Do your parents want you to move out? 🤔 Are you there by default?

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    If you work and contribute to your fam's income, then don't feel guilty.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 2 months ago

    Do you have a job? If so, then consider contributing or consider picking up the cable bill or another bill. I think not having a job is what will contribute most to the guilt rather than living with your parents

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.