Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

How do I help my new wife heal for not have loving parents?

Hi I am Robert 

My wife told me that she was abused as a child by her parents her mother would hit her slap her kick her and yell at her and her dad would call her ugly and said that nobody would want to be with her. My wife’s needs weren’t met and it was very lonely for her. Her mother also told her that she looked like a whore and enjoyed treating her like crap. They would lock her in the shed for 24 hours and if she was luck only 2 hours. When she was 22 she met me and moved in with me and my family and I helped her get out of an abusive family. We got married at age 27 and we are stable we have 7 kids and Gorgeous grandchildren. But my wife still breaks down and still cries about her parents not giving her any love during her childhood some how things will get better than bam she will remember and then get depressed again it wounded her very deep and she isn’t ready to move on or heal from it What can I do to help her heal? This isn’t a troll this is a serious matter


My wife’s mother is still alive and she lives alone in a old age home and is a lonely old hag 

Update 2:

I have been supportive and loving towards my wife and I have been trying to comfort her through all of this 

Update 3:

Vincent I am sorry about your past and you should really try to seek counseling 

Update 4:

I wish I can call my wife’s mother and tell her how much I hate her guts 

Update 5:

With my support and love my wife became a great mother to our 3 daughters and 2 sons and 1 adopted daughter 

Update 6:

When my wife moved in with me and my parents at age 22 and when she met my parents and how loving and supportive they were she put her foot down and cut off contact with her parents and filed a restraining order against them 

Update 7:

I forgot to mention that my wife had 1 brother and 1 sister her brother would slap her yell at her and belittle her and her sister would bully her her brother also hold a knife on her when she was 6 when she was 11 she told her parents that her brother started hitting her and whenever she did something that her parents didn’t like they threatened to get her brother to hit her and yell at her 

Update 8:

My wife told me that she also started cutting herself at the age of 13 she also tried to bang her head against the wall thinking she deserved to die. 

Update 9:

My wife cried herself to sleep every night 

Update 10:

My wife never moved out of her home until she met me 

Update 11:

My wife has abandonment issues when her parents would abandoned her for weeks when she was a child and when she started high school She had no more escape.

Update 12:

When we married we moved 6000 miles from my wife’s family and lived in North Carolina ever since and we raised her family their 

Update 13:

I mean our kids 

Update 14:

I forgot to mention that when my wife was in high school she got an a in math 

Update 15:

She also got bullied in high school

Update 16:

My wife’s parents hated me because I threatened their relationship their love for their daughter was conditional 

Update 17:

It was a mistake 

3 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Hi Robert, I am sorry to hear about your wife. When a loved one suffers, all you want to focus on is making everything better. Growing up, I can relate to some things about your wife. I had a father that was not really there for me, my mother was very abusive, both psychologically and physically. And I too have moments where I still get upset and question why. However, unlike many, I managed to get on with my life despite everything. And I do not break down. 

    What I would strongly suggest for your wife is some type of professional therapy. Your support is fantastic, but it sounds like she never had the chance to come to terms with the demons from the past, and more likely, she will always wonder why her parents treated her like that. She is more than likely depressed, so perhaps could benefit from anti-depressant medication. Counseling would also help, whether that is as group therapy, where she may be able to find support of others, or as one on one, where she can relieve herself from someone who can ask the right questions.

    Either way, I wish you both the best of luck! She sounds like a very strong woman, as she mothered 7 children and is likely because of it all a better person!

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Wut?  Your title calls her a "new wife", but then you say the 2 of you  have 7 kids and grandkids?  Doesn't sound very new to me.  If you recently married, your question makes sense.  If  you've been married for a couple decades, it makes no sense at all.

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  • 1 month ago

    you can get her into counsling. you can also remind her that she wants to remember so she can keep the pain alive in her and that is not a mature thing to do. She has been in a stable and loving relationship and only wants to remember the bad times. It is hard for you and your family to see her when she wants to feel sorry for her past. It hurts you and your family when she would rather spend time remembering the pain instead of focusing on the good that she has had these past years. Its not guilting her, its redirecting her focus

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