How can I convince my fiancee that the wedding will pay for itself ?

My fiancee grew up much poorer than I ...so she still holds dearly to the "I have to do everything for myself mentality"

Therefore she only wants to invite our immediate nuclear families on both sides to her wedding. Everytime I add an aunt or uncle on my side she gets pissed off and says "how are we going to pay for them.

I grew up in a a much larger family, and have many aunts and uncles that have helped me throughout school. I would like to invite them. I know that many wedding gifts usually consist of cheques. My aunts and uncles are mostly middle class, and I am sure they will contribute financially to the wedding once the day draws near. I know my family...I can trust them on this.

But I cannot get my fiancee to understand this, or take a leap of faith..all she sees is "we can't afford to feed all these people" ...for every guest I add...she subtracts on her side; and I know these are people she cares about.

Update:

I don't  know how to fix this. My fiancee has told me '"take a leap of faith" on so many things...yet for our own wedding..she is more calculating than I am.

I get it. I know her family cannot contribute much financially...but MINE CAN...why can't  she just trust me on this ?

I have uncles who are small millionaires....they have always been generous with their money all my life...how can I NOT invite them to my wedding, I know they will contribute and I dont have to ask them.

Update 2:

I know my fiancee has struggled financially all her life, and her family is poor....but it will not just be our salaries paying for the wedding...OTHERS WILL HELP ! My Dad has already pledged 5k to help us out....yet my fiancee still complains that the wedding is beyond our cost....as if...she cannot even see that we are getting help.

WE ARE NOT IN THIS ALONE....why can't she understand that ?!

10 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    dude. grow up. you can learn a few things from that girl. you are so dependent, it's almost scary for a man... jesus dude. grow a backbone, save up, and pay for your wedding.

    another thing, what wedding needs to be over $5k???

    you two have very different mindsets with money. good luck trying to make that work...

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    Ask your parents or family to talk to her to tell her they will not have the two of you go broke over the wedding.  Is there some reason she doesn't trust you.  I wanted a small wedding but my fh said it's a once in a lifetime event we should go all out and I listened to him because I know he can afford to do so.  He's paying for everything unless he lets me take care of the rehearsal dinner.  You're going to have to pay vendors up front...where was the money coming from because you won't have gifts of money yet unless you're rude and ask in advance.  You have to prove to her everything will get paid.

  • 1 month ago

    What you absolutely fail to realize is that it is impossible to planned finance a wedding and then count on other people to donate money afterwards. That is like buying a car in hopes a monetary gift will cover the cost after the purchase is made with money you do not have in the first place!

    Your reasoning is up side down and backwards.

    Get the money from your family so you can THEN budget your wedding, not the other way around.

    You are going to be a financial nightmare as a husband!

  • 1 month ago

    Don't get married. If you can't work out a problem like this, there's no hope for y'all.

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  • boj
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If your family members havent spoken a specific finamcial contribution to your wedding you shouldnt try convincing your fiance of anything and stop adding people you dont have money for. To assure fiance you can pay for additional guests, figure the amount for everyone you want to add and ask your family to give you the cash.

  • 1 month ago

    Your guests are not required or expected to help in any way whatsoever. 

    Don't expect your family to pay for your party.

    Stop adding people to your side, and plan a wedding YOU can afford; not that you're expecting someone else to subsidise.

  • 1 month ago

    I'm with those saying there's a much bigger problem here.  If the 2 of you can't resolve a conflict about paying for a wedding (which is really a party), how do you intend to navigate the much bigger financial conflicts that arise in a marriage?

    You seem to think you're right and she's wrong, but that simply isn't true, nor does marriage work that way.  Just ask anyone who's been married for a while.  You want ideas to convince her she's wrong, and honestly this is scary.  You don't seem to have considered the idea maybe she's not comfortable accepting money from your family.  Are you seriously saying this is a bad attitude?

  • 1 month ago

    Whoa!  It is the responsibility of you and your fiance to pay for the wedding.  You should NOT be expecting contributions from anyone else.  If your parents or her parents offer, that's really nice, but you should not be counting on anyone else to pay for this wedding.

    Your guests are invited as GUESTS.  That means that YOU host them.  You don't expect them to pay their way or contribute financially to the event.

    Host the event you can afford.

  • Jon
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You and she have fundamentally different ideas of about how to handle money. That is a much bigger problem than paying for the wedding, and you need to iron it out before you get married. Money issues are one of the top marriage wreckers.

  • bubula
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You don't have to cancel it, but put a hold on the wedding. It doesn't bode well that the two of you aren't communicating better. You may be "sure" that financial contributions from your relatives will pay for your out-of-pocket wedding expenses, but you can't be certain, and your much more fiscally conservative fiancé is simply being realistic and practical, as she has probably been all her life and probably will be for the remainder. You are someone who would have no trouble taking out a mortgage on a house; she would be more comfortable saving until the house can be paid in full without mortgage interest. That's a huge divide. If you can't talk about such things and find a place where both of you are comfortable, you are in store for endless arguments about money and risk. Fix this now.

    Best of luck.

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