Something I did in my past has been bothering me considerably? ?

So, jumping right into it when I was a child I kissed one of my little cousins and made out with another. A few years after I engaged in sexual activity with another one of my cousins. (First two cousins were girls, one was a guy. I won’t go into details ) Now while it has been years, like over a decade damn near) I find myself thinking that situation and wondering why the hell did I do that. Like I feel legitimately embarrassed/ashamed. I considered talking to someone about it but I ain’t trying to be judged, atleast not by anyone I know. It’s kind of funny how it’s easier to talk about difficult things online to strangers opposed to talking to people you know. Idk. I’m just having a hard time getting over it. I rarely see or talk these cousins. My family is spread out all over the country so we hardly ever interact but I forgot about this event for a long time but every now and then it would come back and I’d get that sickening feeling over again. I don’t know if my cousins remember this, it’s not like I’d bring it up to them even if they did, I can only imagine how awkward that would be. I’m just having a hard time forgiving myself/ getting over it. 

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  • 1 month ago

    If you're finding it this difficult getting over something that did NO ONE any harm, it might be because the guilt and shame you feel is somehow gratifying for you. There's no other reason why you cling to it the way you do. 

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