Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Business & FinanceRenting & Real Estate · 4 weeks ago

buying a house with a boyfriend..help?

Hi, so my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years now. We are planning to purchase a house next month, and he told me that his name would only be on the house/mortgage because he earns more and I lost my job in march due to covid19 and I applied for unemployment so that has helped but I'm gonna have to find a new job once we get the house because the money will run out. The issue I have with this is that I've given him 4K to pay off his credit cards and I'm gonna be giving him another 4k for the down payment of the house. I've been paying for groceries, our phone bill, the light bill, etc. and I would still continue to pay for that when we move into the house. I want to protect myself and I asked him to include me in the title because It's only fair plus I'm worried what if something happens to him and then his mom gets to keep the house and I'm pretty much kicked to the curb?. He told me that he does not want to include me on the title because I wouldn't legally have to pay the mortgage and " that's not fair " to him. This is ridiculous and I need help. If he can't include me then the relationship is over because I don't want to get screwed over.

I also moved all the way from TX to be with him up north in IL. I left behind everything for him to build a life together and get married eventually. 

Update:

someone of you guys were rude as hell on this lol. But to the others who were nice and gave me some good advice thank you, im moving back to texas because obviously he doesn't have enough " trust " in me to put me on the title. Which is ridiclious because I'M always the one talking about marriage and our future together so suddenly he feels I will leave? three years wasted down the drain and I'm ready to move on with my life and go finish college back in tx. 

Update 2:

some *** whoops

20 Answers

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  • L
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    If you want to protect yourself - DO NOT do this!  Too many things can go wrong.  Wait until you're married to buy something together.

  • 4 weeks ago

    after 3 years and he cant pop the question to you???????

    Sounds to me like he has second thoughts about this.,   BTW 4,000$ for a down payment on a house is NOT really that much money.

  • 4 weeks ago

    You WILL be getting screwed over.  The quite-valid reason for someone not being on the mortgage (by not being a co-applicant) is that someone will only hurt, not help.  If you are temporarily unemployed, as long as his income alone will be enough to get the mortgage, you being a co-applicant will not hurt in any way. Your income will not be used. If you had poor credit, that would hurt. He would need to go it alone on financing.

    But that has nothing to do with what names are on the deed of title.  If both of you get the loan together, the lender will insist on both of you being on the title document.  If only he is on the mortgage, the lender will not object to you being on the title document.

    Insist that you be on the deed, and if he says no, that should tell you all you need to know.

    If you were married, it would be totally different.

  • Eva
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You should have promissory notes for the money you have given him. Otherwise it would be considered a gift.  He may have trouble putting you on the mortgage anyway, since you don't have a job.  If you are concerned about the ownership of the house, he should draw up a will leaving it to you.  Otherwise the courts would consider the money you contributed to the household while you were unmarried as rent.  Buying property with someone you're not married to is always tricky. There's not much protection in the law for those that are just living together.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Well, your boyfriend (?) has a real cash-cow on his side, doesn't he? You already HAVE been screwed over. Get out of this relationship before you lose more money and dignity. You're paying--he's taking. That's the end result here. And now he won't 'reward' your activity by putting you on the mortgage. See the pattern?  

    You need to find someone who respects your contributions, your abilities and your finances--as well as your participation. You don't have that now, and you aren't GOING to get it later. Remove your money and your participation from the equation. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    RED FLAG

    You can be on both the property deeds and mortgage irrelevant of whether you're earning or not. 

    If you're not on either, you have no claim to the property. 

    If he says no; keep your 4k and move on.

  • 4 weeks ago

    I think he kinda has a point in that he'll be responsible for most of the debt so it isn't entirely fair to include you on the title, essentially giving you half the house.  I think you have a better point, in that you are helping out substantially (maybe not half the burden but a large part of it) and doing all this for nothing is also unfair. 

    If the only issue were being totally "fair" then you could probably work some sort of deal where he lets you live there at a price for some time to compensate you for the 8k plus exenses you are/ will give him.  Thus, essentially you give him the money and get 1-2 years free rent in return (and you hope he doesn't change his mind and decide to ask you to leave before the 1-2 years is up - a very risky situation to put yourself into)

    However, if you go into this as a strictly business agreement (as he seems to be doing) then it sounds like the relationship probably isn't going to work out and maybe you'd be better off just dumping him, demanding your 4k back and finding someone else.  

    I'm not sure what to do but this guy sounds to greedy to be a bf.  My advice is that if he can't give in on this one, then it probably isn't going to work out long term anyhow and you'd be better off just dumping him and moving on with your life.  

    If you do dump him, it might be very difficult to get that 4k back but don't throw good money after bad and give him any more money unless you can come to a reasonable agreement.

  • 4 weeks ago

    "then the relationship is over"  Yup.  Either get married, accept that HE is buying a house, or end it.  You could also write up a contract stating the money you've given him and the money you will be given to him, what that represents, and what happens if you breakup.  Get married and none of this matters.  If you're not ready to get married, then none of this should be happening in the first place.

  • Judy
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    His attitude says a lot.   Don't THINK   of going along with this.

  • 4 weeks ago

    I can understand not being on the mortgage because being unemployed will lower the amount he is allowed to get as a loan. You need to write EVERYTHING down that you give him and have him sign it. For example, ‘July 9,2020. Loaned $4,000 to ____ that he has agreed he will pay back by _____’ that way if it ever came

    Down to it... he is legally obligated to pay you back. And keep those safe so he can’t get rid of them. If he hesitates to sign that then that shows you what you’re going to deal with in the future. And also that he probably has no intention of paying you back. Careful!

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