Does this sound like an interesting story about a black teen with a mental disorder?

Lamar Fredricks doesn't know for sure that he was diagnosed but he just knew something was wrong. He had been through a lot in his life and all that stress sort of triggered his mental disorder. He grew up seeing his grandmother suffer from mental issues also and he didn't want to be portrayed the same way.

He wanted to get examined and get treated but his parents refused to seek him professional help. 

He attempted to manage his condition by smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol which made things worst. He started doing harder drugs which worsened his behavior. He was failing school, kicked off the wrestling team, started having suicidal thoughts and outbursts, ran his girlfriend away, constantly getting in trouble with the law, and eventually getting kicked out of his house by his father.

He tried to do the right by staying away from drugs until he started craving for alcohol. He went into this convenience store to get some beer. The cashier refused to sell it to him because he was underage. Frustrated, he went off and exploded on the cashier where police stormed in and drew guns at him. He was arrested on the spot.

While he was in jail, he was examined by this therapist. That's when he learned he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He was placed in a mental ward.

His parents were notified and was aware that he had an issue. He was treated and medicated and was released months later. His parents let him move back home and he stayed on his medication.

8 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    It sounds so bland. It's like a biography, just a series of events ending with a happy ever after. And the "he didn't want to be portrayed that way" idea is so overused. Instead of having it in third person make it in first person, because we never see his thoughts about the whole thing WHICH MAKES IT POINTLESS TO READ. And,make the story go slower and have some dialog have you ever even went to a 1st grade ELA class?!?!

    Like for example.     "It all started when I felt weird. I didn't know what was happening. I had a sudden mood switch. I felt terrible and went back to bed. I didn't want to do anything. I laid in bed, and stared at the walls full of pictures of me with friends. 'Do they even like me?' I thought. I turned around and shut my eyes. "  Also, this story doesn't even have a problem so why not just make it about his recovery. At the end of the story make a scene where an interviewer is finishing a show with a grown up Lamar Fredricks and show him feeling accomplished and maybe going home to see his wife and kids. Until then, keep practicing.    

  • 1 month ago

    Not really. It sounds very simple.

  • 1 month ago

    It's not a "story". It's just a recital of chronological events, ending tamely "And he was fine from then on".

  • 1 month ago

    No, it doesn't. It's sh1te, mate. Give it up. Hope this helped.

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  • Tina
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It would be much better to stop asking about this and just try writing your book.

  • Zac Z
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Honestly, no.

    I'm not very much interested in reading about a dude with issues. There's no mystery, no suspense, no adventure, nothing that would hold my interest.

    Sounds more like a piece of therapeutic writing to me.

    But then I've never been too much interested in "problem stories" so this is just me.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    yes, it sounds interesting

  • Andrew
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It's just as boring and rambling as all of the other idiotic ideas you've pitched time and time again over the years that you'll never bother sitting down to write anyway. 

    There have always been losers in this world - nothing new about that. But in this day and age, people who are not educated and do not possess skills that afford them the opportunity to do something rewarding and fulfilling for a living have been conditioned to believe that their shortcomings and their failures must be the fault of some psychological condition. We live in a world where the stupid kids are told that they suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder and the loser adults are told that they must be bipolar or manic depressive or suffer from some other silly disorder so that nobody has to take responsibility and people don't need to face the fact that a fair portion of the people on this planet is comprised of total and complete buffoons who will never amount to anything. If it makes you feel better to annoy people by asking them what they think about this or that asinine idea, have at it. In the end, all you're doing is looking for a way to convince as many people as you can - including yourself, that your station in life is the result of some crossed wires, a sad twist of fate, an accident. You're an unhappy, uncontented, unfulfilled whingy loser because of the choices you made, not because you have a mental condition. In fact, the only mental condition that you suffer from is a severe case of stupidity. 

    Imagine if instead of pitching these retarded ideas you had actually attempted to complete a degree or tried to break into another industry where there's upward mobility and people don't feel so trapped and worthless. All of your ideas revolve around this concept that in the end people will warm up to your characters and that they'll finally understand their struggle and see them as being really deep, misunderstood, impressive characters. If you want people to see you that way stop acting like such a fool and sort yourself out.   

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