Is my relationship abusive?

I’m often scared of situations that will make my parter angry. When he gets angry he shouts so loud that the neighbours can hear and sometimes starts breaking things around the house.

I often get accused of being up to something or cheating when I have never done anything to suggest I don’t want to be with him.

He winds himself up over things that he thinks may have happened in the past before I knew him to the point where he won’t stop shouting. For example, accusing me of sleeping with people who I haven’t slept with. 

When I’m at work he messages me asking who I am with and then tries to find faults in what I’m saying trying to catch me out about something I’m not doing. 

I’m scared to leave work even a few minutes late as he thinks I am with somebody else or up to something that I’m not telling him about. 

When he is angry I can’t speak as he shouts over me. He then tells me to leave him alone but will follow me to carry on shouting at me. He will then tell me to leave him alone again as he doesn’t want to argue but then starts messaging me from another room instead of shouting at me.

Even when it gets to the point where I’m crying he’ll tell me to get a grip or start calling me different names like a “slag” or “desperate”.

Most of the time we are so happy and really do love him. It’s just the few times he gets angry I am so scared to do or say anything. He’ll cry after an angry episode and I am the one that comforts him but then a week or so later it happens again

10 Answers

  • Dave
    Lv 5
    3 weeks ago

    Dump him before he kills you!

  • 4 weeks ago

    You’re in an abusive relationship. I was in one before the physical abuse will come soon. You need to leave him. Stay with a friend or family. Try to leave when he’s out of the house. Pretend to go to work but call out if necessary. If you can’t do this secretly pack a small bag with valuables and some clothes and just get out when he’s showering or something. He won’t change. It’ll get worse. 

  • Isabel
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    You absolutely have to leave him immediately.  This is indeed abuse, and this is the kind of abuse that eventually escalates to hitting.  I'm sure that it's good when it's good, but you can't indulge in the sunk cost fallacy (look it up).  You have to leave him, and you can't go back to him.

  • 4 weeks ago

    I read only a few lines, and it was obvious he is abusive.  And has anger issues.  Over reacting to something that upsets you, he needs help. And so do you for putting up with it for so long. A week, is too long of abusive, or controlling behaviors. One grab, push, slap, or abusive language calling you ugly, fat stupid, the B word, C word, or any other negative word. Which my dad and mom never used in 54 yrs of marriage. They argued, but far as I heard never made the other feel unloved or scared to be around them.  

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  • 4 weeks ago

    By putting up with this abusive behaviour you are showing him that you will accept being bullied and giving him permission to continue, Where will it end? It is the way serious abuse begins and very often turns into physical abuse and even murder. 

    People who are feeling confident and secure and have self respect don't feel a need to call people names, criticise, bully, shout, etc. 

    I do urge you to leave him immediately, and only return when he has completed at least three months of treatment. 

    Good Luck!

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    I only had to read the first two sentences to know that you need to get out of there ASAP. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    he is using emotional blackmail to bully and control you.  There are almost 4 billion men on this planet.   You do not have to stay with this careful but get out of this mess.  You are in a bubble and not looking at this rationally.   Once outside the bubble you will look back at this and realize how ridiculous it is.

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Why are you still with him? Find a new place to live. Call the police or go to the station and talk to them, ask for protection., There are groups for battered women that can also help you, give them a call.

  • 4 weeks ago

    The few times he gets angry does sound a little like he is emotionally abusing you but I do think you guys can work things out and help him get a better temper and how to control himself when he gets mad 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Get therapy, find out why he gets so angry. If a majority of times are good with him and he is sincerely upset, you should keep him for both of your emotional distress.

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