Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Why is my wife acting like a giddy high school teen after seeing her ex lover ?

We ran into some guy she used to date at the grocery store when she was 23. When we got back to the car I asked her Why are you acting like a 16 year old girl who just ran into her high school crush. She was blushing and couldn’t even get her words out straight when she saw him. I find it odd that a married woman is that excited/nervous over another man who she claim she hadn’t seen in 5 years. I’m not insecure but I know for a fact she loved him more than she ever loved me. When we first got together she told me about her past and she told me there was this one guy who she was head over heels for and she spent a lot of time with him And they dated but he never could commit to being in a relationship exclusively. She said they did everything together and had so much in common and so much chemistry. She said that’s why she never ended up with him. She said another reason why she didn’t end up with him was because he moved away to another state. I was talking to her about him today and I was telling her please don’t settle for me if your heart is really with him. I feel like if he was willing to commit to her she would 100% him. I saw the way her eyes lit up when she saw him. She told me “ don’t fool yourself. First of all, i love you. Second of all, i haven’t seen him in 5 years. Who knows what kind of person he is now or where he is in his life and even if he is still single. 3- I doubt he even lives in this city anymore. He’s probably just visiting. 


The main reason why I said I believe she truly loves him and is settling for me is because she never initiates sex with me. Not even a little bit. She doesn’t even have a sex drive around me. But when she was with him they had sex all the time. Why can’t I see that sexy wild wild of her. She’s like a prude around me. We have a great relationship but they have more in common and even their views on life are the same. She told me a lot about their dynamic in the past and me and I can truly see 

3 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    Are you trying to tell me that you have never been excited by the prospect of some other woman?  Lust and love are very different.  Particularly after being taken for granted within a marriage we are excited by something else.  It doesn't mean we will act on it and it CERTAINLY isn't love.

  • 2 months ago

    She was taken back to her exciting younger emotions - her first? Young people do fall madly in love, don't they? WE?! But we cannot live on a emotional high for very long. That is what the "chemistry" was. 

    There is no way of telling what would have become of them as a couple, but how many young people do you know that lasted as a couple for ten years even? It is a fantasy. If he was so wonderful, no doubt he would have married.

    Try working on your marriage.  Reading books like Dr Phil McGraw's excellent Relationship Rescue helps to give us deeper insights into how relationships work. (I wish I got commission, as I recommend it to so many people!). As he writes in the book, it isn't only for people whose relationships are in trouble. There are other excellent books, of course.  

    Good Luck!

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    So your wife was used before 

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