Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 2 months ago

Narcissistic and Manipulative Mother on law trouble! PLEASE HELP!?

My mother in law has the tendency to act “innocent”, when she is to blame for certain actions. She lies constantly and is two-faced. She speaks negatively about all sorts of people even after choosing to help them. Turns out that’s just to gain knowledge and “dirt on the other person”. My husband and I have decided not to let her move in with us. As she is always nosey, so I find myself CONSTANTLY hiding information and bills and paperwork. I could have something on my kitchen table.she will walk right by pick it up and start reading. When confronted with this she acts defensive “it shouldn’t be out, if you don’t want me looking at it”....(This is just causing so many problems-she just has no respect for me or her son.

She cried and got angry at me, when she saw my husband spoiling me and treating me a little extra special. When I asked her what was wrong in private she said “I deserved a husband like that, but I never got one”. 

It’s like she is jealous of me and actually admitted it in a private convo. (Not in so many words). THERE IS SO MUCH MANIPULATION AND NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOR!

My husband was her “favorite” she used to get mad when I would do his laundry and cook for him. She is purposely always causing problems and trying to throw me under the bus-with problems that SHE HERSELF creates.

What do I speak to her about-I also have. I fee I share to much and she DOES use it against me sadly.

How do I deal-kindly in a godly manner?

ANY ADVICE IS WELCOME-PLEASE HELP ME!

Update:

My husband knows better, and has learned not to fall for her stunts. It’s just gotten worse-as she knows we are on to her behavior.

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  • 2 months ago
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    It sounds like you and your husband need to sit down and have a conversation about his mother. As someone who was in a marriage and had to deal with a mother-in-law who was worse than the devil himself with narcissistic manipulation, trust me, I know where you're coming from.

    Because this is his mother, he needs to be the one to deal with her or it will make you look like the bad person. And since you aren't related to her by blood, it just wouldn't be a good idea. He needs to be the one to call her out on her behavior and correct it.

    EX: (when leaving bills/paperwork out) "Mom, please don't go through our paperwork. We left it out, but that doesn't give you the green light to go through it. This is our place, and I don't like you combing through our personal paperwork."

    Big things like that need to be dealt with by him and him alone. Smaller details, you can do yourself. You need boundaries and your mother needs to learn that. You and him are married, and she needs to respect that. If she says anything about you doing laundry or cooking, I would respond with something like, "That's what a good wife does, takes care of her husband. Isn't it a good thing that your son found someone that wants to take care of him?" What is she going to say, no? And if she makes a deal about it, bring it to your husband for him to talk to her about it.

    If it doesn't seem like its working, then I would suggest to your husband about family counseling. Bringing her with you because she obviously needs to then hear it from a neutral party that she's over stepping your boundaries and not respecting it. In the event it gets that far, your husband again needs to be the one to address this. This needs to be made like the decision is coming from HIM and not you, since it's apparent his mother feels the need to be in this mental competition with you. In the event this doesn't work either, then maybe you need to have a worse talk about limiting her time in your home. Not kicking her out of your life, but not letting her over for a while until she can learn to change her behavior.

    I wish you the best of luck :)

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I have a troubled mother in law.  My husband has a pair of b*lls, and HE takes care of issues with her.

    Perhaps your husband could grow a pair and defend you.

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