Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Working from home with kids husband thinks I don’t do enough ?

Hi,  so my office shutdown due to the pandemic and I have been working from

Home since the 1st of March.  My husbands job has stayed the same aside from wearing a mask. However,  I am now doing my job with our five kids home as well, all under age 12.  I have been stressed and honestly feel like I’m depressed.  If the house is not clean and dinner made when he gets home he slams things around yelling what I do all day.  Mind you,  unsure if this matters,  my income is triple what his is.  I took an actual day off work to take the kids to some appts and he threw a fit that I didn’t do anything.  Our house is literally meticulously kept even with five kids.  But not a thing can be out of place and there can’t be one load of laundry left undone.  I try to tell him I’m sad and he says it’s my fault and I don’t really have to work since I don’t go into an office anymore.  I’m at my wits end and I really don’t know what to do.  Maybe I’m just writing the to cry and feel heard, idk. Thanks for listening. 

10 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If you earn triple what he does just hire a housekeeper once a week to keep things tidy. This has saved many a marriage. However, homeschooling for five kids is an herculean task and I don't even know how you're managing that and a job. I only have two distance learners and I'm ready to hang myself. Your husband's being a d*ck. 

  • 2 months ago

    gosh girl I'm sorry to hear all that, I'm not sure why people assume that as long as you're home then you have time to do everything? I know this pandemic is bringing a lot of unwanted drama, hang in there. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Yikes.  One thing is very obvious.  You're stuck with  a husband who's being abusive right now, and you're doing the work of 3 people (childcare, housekeeping and job).  If you don't make a major change quickly, you're going to sink into a depression that will require hospitalization!  I got exhausted and angry just reading this.

    I suggest a 2 part strategy.  You need some "me" time asap.  If you can hang on until Labor Day, take 4 days.  If you can't, then do it sooner.  But it's imperative you have at least one work day included in this.  Then think what appeals to you.  Some people would love to visit a friend or family.  Others might think they want to hole up in a nearby hotel, enjoy the area and the solitude.  Make your plans and tell your husband the night before you leave.  Stay calm and keep repeating "I'm not asking for permission.  I'm doing this for me".  Also, don't leave the house spotless.  

    When you get back, hopefully he'll have a better understanding of what you do.  But that doesn't create change.   Step 2 is that you tell him you want to hire a mother's helper.  This won't be cheap, because you need this help from 8 to 5 or whatever.  The good news is, these people tend to be paid less than babysitters, because babysitters have full responsibility for kids.  This is job is more about whatever you need done.  There are people of all ages who might like this.

    Finally, this assumes his abuse is recent and probably related to virus stress.   If he's always been like this, you are way overdue to talk to a divorce attorney.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    so i really wonder  BEFORE  the corona virus when u needed to go out for work how was the household taken care of? who was cleaning and cooking and doing laundry? because now u save on commuting and may do things in between. now my husband has been working from home since corona virus - he cooks every other day, when there was no corona virus and he had to go to office i was cooking every day without any complaints. but now since he sits at home he can cook in between online meetings. anywho 5 children and both of u working i really wonder how it was before u were working from home. because if u managed to do everything by yourself and go to the office i understand why he is annoyed

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  • 2 months ago

    Arrange a person to take care your kids during you are working. And also, take some gym to relax yourself. Then everything will be fine. 

  • David
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Something doesn't smell right.  You say you've been working from home since 1st of March.  You also say that if the house is not clean and dinner made when he gets home he goes berserk.  (basically)

    Which leads to the obvious question...

    PRIOR to March 1st, did your husband slam things around and yell a lot EVERY DAY when he got home from work?   I mean, if you were working in the office prior to March 1st, then it's a safe bet that the house was a disaster when your husband got home.  So why would he tolerate such a mess PRIOR to March 1st, but not now?

    Also, with 5 kids at home...another obvious question is...

    Why is the MOTHER doing all the housework????  The obvious arrangement there would be for the kids to do all of the cleaning, laundry and other housework...except for maybe the cooking.  But by age 11, I was doing most of the cooking in my own house.  

    But even if we accept that your husband had no issues with the house not being spotlessly clean while you were working OUTSIDE of the house...

    And we assume that your five children are all disabled to the point where they can't do anything at all to help with the household chores...

    Then the obvious answer is to do shift work.  Sleep until noon.  Wake up, and do household chores including making a nice dinner to be served when hubby gets home.  After dinner, lock yourself in your office for six hours straight.  Do not open the door for any reason.  After all, fair is fair.  If your hubby expects that you do "nothing" all day, then let him do "nothing" all night. 

    (sarcasm mode on)  You both win!!!  You get your work done in quiet, and hubby gets to do "nothing" at night.   (sarcasm mode off)

    Within a week (at most), your husband will be BEGGING you to go back to your "normal" schedule of working during the day and he won't say a word if the chores are not done when he gets home.   

    See, I'm speaking as a single father of two in diapers.  I know that it's the hardest job in the world.  He thinks you do nothing watching five young kids?  Fine, then he should be happy to do "nothing" watching the five young kids while you work nights.

  • 2 months ago

    Talk with your doctor and get your depression sorted out.  Tell your husband to employ someone to look after the kids so that you can work at home and earn money for the household.  He sounds selfish and controlling.  Sad for the kids, but maybe you should tell him to move back in with his mother to get what he wants out of housekeeping and cooking and he can move back in when the kids are back at school and you are off to your office again.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I just want to let you know that you're an amazing woman for all the things you do. It's a lot to take in and with this pandemic going on stress and depression sneaks in. 

    On another note, your partner doesn't understand your struggles because he is blinded by what he can't see. He lacks wisdom and simply can't empathize nor seek to understand you. That is his flaws along with other-self entitlements of what he thinks a wife should be. 

    When things settle down you should definitely take the week off leaving the kids to him. I really do hope he learns. LOL sometimes some people are just really hard-headed. 

  • 2 months ago

    Sorry you married a total prick. Bet if he was working from home he wouldn't be expecting to have to look after the kids, the house and keep up with his work as well. Point that out to him.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    🥴 It really isn't that hard to prep dinner early before everyone wakes up in the morning. Freeze it. Refridgerate it. Pop it in the oven and let it slow cook 2 hours before he comes home. 

    And if you make triple what he is, you can always buy dinner?

    With 5 kids, discipline their behaviors to where you CAN find YOU TIME. 

    All of it can be simplified. 

    And you should talk to your husband about helping out. 

    😄 I realize how hard your situation is.... but I'm telling you all of it can be simplified. 

    Where I come from, we come up with tricks of the trade for big families. 

    I knew of one woman who prepped and froze weekly family dinners over the weekends. So all she had to do was pop them in the oven or slow cooker each day.

    🥴 I am a lot like your husband and so are those who raised me. We all think the same.

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