Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Is a guy who is willing to introduce you to his wife, friends and whole family a real friend?

I am friends with this guy for 6 years now. He get to know my husband too, even though he is not very interested in socializing with him. My husband says that he doesn't understand when did we became so close to them. This guy was very persistent in us becoming friends (a same interest bonded us) so he involved his wife, parents, sister, in-laws. He never introduce me to any of them by saying I'm his friend. It's either done by his wife or I'm the one introducing myself to people asking me how we know the said couple. And he is the one always emphasizing how close and good friends we are when we're alone. His mom told me that she can't believe how similar we are. He told me that his wife is so happy that I entered their life. Always saying that he hopes we stay friends for life (now acting as if this is a done deal)

But I still can't relax and enjoy this friendship. I sense that he is not the same in front of them and when we're alone. He is avoiding me when all are present and we're supposedly so close friends and they all know me. As if he is on watch what and how to say something.I noticed his eyes wondering from his wife to me all the time, checking that she doesn't catch him looking at me. I begin to feel that he is flirting with me when we're alone because of the intense eye contact he is making then, but he never did anything that would make me tell him that he has crossed the line, just that he is more attentive when no one is around (a great emotional support).

4 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    Pay attention to how your husband thinks and feels about this. This friendship ought not be more powerful and important to you than your husband. 

  • David
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    OK, you need to know something.  It's possible for a man and woman (both heterosexual) to be friends and just friends, without having sex.  Yes, it's possible.  It's also hella hard, and requires almost super-human level of open, honest communication.  In any relationship between a man and a woman, there's going to be sexual tension.  It might be just one way at first, but it will be felt on both sides eventually.  When that feeling comes (and it's a matter of WHEN, not IF...)...the feeling can not be ignored.  It must be dealt with.  There are only two ways to deal with it and I have experienced both of them:

    1)  You two have an open and honest discussion about your SEXUAL DESIRES related to each other.  You confess everything.  Even if you dream of eating her butt, you get into THAT kind of detail.  Get it ALL out in the open.  Then you two have a good laugh over it, promise each other that it will never be a problem.  You know about it, so you can deal with it.  Meaning, you both agree to work together to make sure it never "goes there".

    2)  You face your desires head on, and act on them.  This is A LOT easier.  But it also changes your relationship forever...and not necessarily for the better.  To be perfectly blunt, it means that the two of you have sex.  

    Now, what do those two scenarios have in common?  They are both PROHIBITED behavior if one or both of the people happen to be married to somebody else.  (DUH!)

    One is emotional cheating.  The other is emotional AND sexual cheating.  NOT COOL.

    From what you wrote, his wife is a real idiot.  And he has sexual desire for you, which he will need to act on eventually.  Unless you cut off all contact with him, immediately and permanently.

  • 2 months ago

    as u said that u still can't relax and enjoy this friendship, u have the answer. i think u should listen to yourself and stop entertaining this person, it may spoil ur married life. just try creating distance slowly.

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Time to get him out of your life, before your husband puts you out of his life. You have eyes, you see whats going on with this so called friend. Is it worth your marriage, family?  Stop being alone with him......If you need emotional support go see a therapist. I see you at a court house being divorced very soon. If you like this guy so much ask your husband for a divorce, then go jump his bones.

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