Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

my 28 year old son is a loser, what can i do?

my son has a job and a car, but he still lives with us. sure he helps out, but we have to force him to help us with the rent. he never went to college, he has no kids, hell he’s never even had a girlfriend. he’s never even had a first kiss. all he does is sit in his room and read manga and watch anime. my wife and i are embarrassed of him. we don’t even talk about him to our friends. we only ever mention our two other sons who have active social lives, are married, and have kids. what can we do? should we throw him out? 

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  • 2 months ago

    The girlfriend and the kiss situation is quite difficult for you and your wife to address because this is your son's personal territory and preference. He can tell you to get out of his personal life.... The best way to handle this is to present your findings to him and ask why he hasn't achieved these things yet. You can tell him that developmentally speaking, people his age should have achieved these by now. Ask if anything is interfering with this.

    About rent--- that's a different story. Here you can be more upfront. You can tell him that if he is a part of the family and is living here, he needs to contribute his share. Create plans of action and put due dates-- when he can start college and a job. Tell hm how much rent is due and when. Explain that as long as he's living under your roof, he can't prioritize anime over career and productivity, and that it can remain a hobby.

    Why did you just notice this? Why didn't you stop this anime issue after high school? Kids begin to explore dating and relationships in their teenage years. Why didn't you bring it up to him at that time, when he was at that period in his life?

  • 2 months ago

    Tell him its time...set a date...stick to it.

  • 2 months ago

    Don't throw him out without warning, just make him want to move out on his own.  How?  You creatively make your son a lot less comfortable.  Taking away his privacy would likely be the first step, like making him sleep on the couch so you can repurpose his room.  From there it is about imposing rules, and/or required chores to stay at home that will cramp his style.  In a short time he will either be eager to move out, or he will see he has broken the rules and deserves to get thrown out because you warned him of that consequence.  In the mean time don't call him a loser, but offer him encouragement.

  • 2 months ago

    He’s definitely not a loser but I would suggest getting him on a career path and encourage him to pursue an education so that way he can figure out what he wants to do for the rest of his life and to get a better paying job.

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  • 2 months ago

    Introduce him to some girls who also have the same interests: read manga and watch anime. Maybe this will connect them. 

    I think don't throw him out. Suggest maybe that he might consider moving out like other people his age. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    at least he has a job and a car, hes not a loser

  • East
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    You should tell him to move out, but that's just so he doesn't have to be around a jerk parent such as yourself.

    Just why did you let him turn out like this?

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    tough love, throw him out, if he will not get out get a court order and have the police escort him out.

  • Ricky
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Find out how much he earns a month. If he can afford rent and food than help him move out. If he can't then make him find a stable job and have him move out. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    you're that 28 year old son, aren't you? otherwise your question would have been "what can WE do"

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