Am I being abusive? My wife and I have been married for almost 15 years and I've always suffered from premature ejaculation. ?

I think she should have made herself available more often so that I could have worked more on the problem by having more experience. She said she could never really relax because of the fear that I would come too early. Throughout the years she has wanted less and less sex to the point that we simply don't have any relations anymore. She has always asked me to see a doctor but I've felt too ashamed to discuss this issue with anyone. I did see a doctor a few years ago, though. He prescribed pills and mentioned that I need psychological support. The pills didn't help much, and I still find it too difficult to discuss this problem with a psychologist. My wife says I am abusing her by refusing to get help.   

21 Answers

Relevance
  • Robin
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    Your body has been "trained" to ejaculate quickly - perhaps from too much masturbation in early years.  Does she want the problem solved?  If so then then it CAN BE SOLVED but it takes the two of you together.  The two of you can solve it but it takes understanding and training.  No amount of creams or masturbation or injections or thinking about a football game will work.  You have to admit there is a problem - then find a way to fix it.  A trained sex educated councilor is the first step.  Then you have to work with your wife (and she with you) to help you retrain your body.  Yes - there are injections that will keep you hard for an hour and there are penile operations that will keep you hard all day - but the point is to be intimate with your wife and feel the emotions.  Quit blaming the problem on someone else.  You have two choices.  Either seek together to fix the problem (let her know you feel worse about it than she does) and work together or she will live with resentment (may seek pleasure in another man' arms - likely) you will have your ego and no wife but be afraid to venture into the dating pool again because you will have the same problem with a new partner.  So you will isolate yourself from sex but be a nice guy to other women.  

  • 1 month ago

    Its not the time to point blame fingers. Sometimes it’s helpful to SCHEDULE times of the week to connect and be intimate. During these times couples could choose to do various things like massage, playing with your partner’s hair. . Even if its not sex I always find that massage works wonders and he won’t feel pressured like sex. A massage between couples can be as tame as a clothed shoulder rub, or something much more involved and sensual. Whatever option you choose, treating each other to a massage is likely to increase trust, induce relaxation, and create feelings of deep enjoyment. get this step by step guide into it;  FIRST result on Google, just copy & paste search the phrase: COUPLES EROTIC MASSAGE COUPLESEXGUIDE

  • take cialis before having sex. that should eliviate the problem. 

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    This is much ado about something that's easily rectified. First off, it's not her fault you have premature ejaculation so stop blaming her for it. Women can't comfortably have sex multiple times a day in most cases because the lining of our vaginas tears during encounters and too much sex can be excruciatingly painful. There are of course medical remedies but apparently your pride is worth more than your marriage so you refuse to seek them. In most cases though, if you masturbate a couple of hours before the main event you'll be more effective once you're with a partner. So try that. 

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 1 month ago

    I've found that if I feel I'm going to climax a bit too soon, I pull out quickly and go down on her orally until after she climaxes once or twice and then enter her again and finish her off with a great mutual climax. Try it and you'll find it works wonders.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I WAS married to a man who suffered from premature ejaculation for over 8 years, refused to get medical help.  Like you, he blamed ME for not willing to be available every time he thought MAYBE he could last more than 2 seconds.

    It's just so easy to blame other people for YOUR problems.

    Right, nothing like experience to help a self-professed early shooter not shoot quite so early.  Ridiculous.

  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Both of you need to talk to a doctor about your problem.  There are things she can do to you to help you last longer.  Most women enjoy oral sex - start with that so she is more satisfied and then you will have less of a problem and will be satisfied too.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    So you are a minute man and rather than seek appropriate treatment so you can be a considerate lover to your wife, you blame her and expect her to accept it. Ok, can you accept that sex is not enjoyable for her, so she doesn’t have any interest in having it with you any more? If you are fine with no sex life, keep on your current course. Recognize your wife may decide she needs to find a man who can satisfy her sexual needs. Otherwise, get yourself the physical and psychological help you need to resolve this problem. Quickies are fun once in a while, but if there is never another option it isn’t enjoyable for the woman.

  • 1 month ago

    Your not being abusive it’s just down right SELFISH. Since you can’t get your man to stay up your simply making your wife MISERABLE because your uncomfortable to speak to a doctor. This thing called life makes us all at one moment do things we don’t want to but THEY HAVE TO GET DONE!!! Sex is a big part of a relationship and you know that so why take your wife through the emotional roller coaster because your scared. Man up and do what your suppose to do for your wife because the next thing is she’s going to cheat or leave...why should she stay with someone who’s refusing to make her feel good? Thats torture. I guess that could be a form of mental abuse And physical because it’s messing with her on both ends. What real man is scared to talk to a doctor who pretty much can help you but your refusing? If I was your wife I would be gone because that’s torture and you act like you don’t care so why should she? You ARE SO WRONG! What you tell the doctor he don’t care he seen many cases and your not the first. To be a man is to fix the problem. To do nothing about the problem that would make you SELFISH, mentally abusive, and physically abusive. Lose I don’t give a **** attitude and tend to your wife needs REALLY 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Go and see a urologist, he may be able to help you. There is delay cream out there, buy it and see if it helps you.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.