Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 month ago

Is this poem good?

Locked away in the void, I ponder

Must I forever let my soul wander?

Bleed from my heart and send her to die

He's the one, he's perfect, he's mine

Crawling across the roads of fire

Am I honest with my feelings?

Or am I a liar?

I'm shattered, I'm broken

He was to be my first

The gleam from the silver point

She can't get away with him, lest my flames burst

She's the hypotenuse, she doesn't know what she's broken.

Fueling the flames, she didn't know what hit her

Her hopes shattered, home reduced to litter

Like a bird with two broken wings

I've proven to her

It's dangerous to make this siren sing.

3 Answers

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  • Favourite answer

    Let your vain and heart have your half.

    You can't have his heart whole,

    It beats...

    The chest of another

    Has gold that is cold to you!

    I mean "vain" that way, too.

  • User
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    No.

    Neglects rhythm and meter.

    Rhyming is hit-and-miss.

  • 1 month ago

    It moves me. I think "with a broken wing" would leave room for hope and healing.

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