Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 month ago

How do I stop my 23 year old daughter from acting so immature? She still lives with me.?

She was my only child growing up. Even though she always wanted a sibling, I wasn't interested in having more. I than got pregnant accidentally with my daughter now who's 3 and a half years old. My 23 year old daughter was so excited when her sister was born. She never let me do anything and she would always do the bottle feeding and putting her to sleep and even changing diapers and bathing her. The only thing I had to deal with was waking up in the night to care for her, my older daughter wanted to do everything else. She did not have a job then, but she does now and helps pay rent and groceries. The problem is, my 23 year old daughter is still so immature. She plays roughly with my 3 year old. She even hits her when she makes a mistake and I get extremely mad because I dont want anyone touching my daughter, not even her. Yesterday, I caught her showing my 3 year old a woman giving birth on YouTube. She kept telling her that's where she came from and my 3 year old was wide eyed and scared. I ended up yelling at my older daughter and we got into an argument. For the rest of the day, my 3 year old was talking about how she came out of my "tutu" and was terrified. My 23 year old daughter laughs and thinks this is funny.


She even once took my daughter with her to the mall and when she went to the bathroom, my daughter was on her period and she sat down without warning. My little girl saw her menstrual period and came home to tell me that her older sister was bleeding very bad from her "tutu". My older daughter just chocked on her water laughing and I was extremely mad. I'm fed up with the immature behavior and I dont know what to do anymore. 

4 Answers

  • 4 weeks ago
    Favourite answer

    Well, there was kind of a precedent set when your younger child was born that put your oldest in the role of parent. You need to have a serious discussion with her about what her role is in her sister's life and what it is your responsibility. As the parent, you are the one who is in charge of the discipline, not sister. As the parent, you are in charge of how you talk to her about sexuality and the body... not her sister. You need to make that clear and have consequences for your oldest if she cannot respect the boundaries of being a sister, even a much older sister. That consequence might be that she is no longer welcome to live in the home, she's an adult and if she cannot act as such and act appropriately towards a minor child, than she should not be living with that child. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    kick her out .

  • 4 weeks ago

    Liz B has valid points. 

    You need to have a serious conversation with your "adult" daughter about who is responsible for what. YOU are the mother of the younger one, and you really should have explained the boundaries, etc. to the older one. Too late now for some things, of course, although writing that you don't want her touching her sister is confusing if she bathes her, etc. 

    Of course no adult should ever hit a child (did she get that from you?) and as I said, you need to have some serious discussions. Perhaps even reading some parenting books together. Allowing her to "joint parent" was your decision, if not really deliberate, so I don't suggest that you cut her off, but you are the mother. Good lessons for when she becomes a parent herself.

    Good Luck!


  • LizB
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    So you confirmed your 3 year old's fears that birth is a horrible, scary thing by flipping out instead of explaining properly what birth is. Good job there, Mom. And now she's scared of periods, too, because no one has told her that it's a normal thing for big girls and women to experience. Honestly your reactions are making everything worse, not better.

    Also, don't call genitalia cutesy names, call them by their real names. Giving coded nicknames to body parts teaches children that their bodies are something to be ashamed of, and makes it harder for kids/teens to talk about it when something might be wrong. It's a vagina and a vulva, not a "tutu." If you can't call those body parts what they are without being embarrassed, then YOU are the immature one who needs to grow up and set a better example.

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