Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

Is crying and constantly being unsatisfied although you love someone normal?

I’m crazy about him but I’m always unsatisfied with our situation. Right now we’re in a long distant relationship and I’m not as strong in this as I thought I would be and it’s only been two months. We’ve only seen each other once in two months and will again next month. He’s not making much money so I’ve been responsible for the travel expenses until he’s able to pay me back. He lives with his brother so when I come to visit we’re going to be sharing a couch (a very nice couch.) I got us a hotel for a couple of nights so we can have a little alone time. And it honestly wouldn’t be a problem if it was just a temporary thing but he doesn’t know how long it will last and it’s been this way our entire relationship(five years.) He’s hoping to make a lot more money soon working for his brother. My boyfriend is a dreamer and has graduated college but didn’t want to work so he stayed at home with his mom to follow dreams. Now he’s moved with his brother. I’m so grateful for him and moments we get together because I know everyday isn’t promised but I can’t help the I dissatisfaction I feel in always being the only financially stable person. And it’s making me resentful towards him because he has a laid back approach to it like he doesn’t care about money. I’ll be 26 in three months and he’ll be 25 in five so I’m not expecting him to be the bread winner but I don’t know what to do because I really love him but I barely get to see him now and it’s weighing on me.

3 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Following your dreams only works if you're putting in the work to make that dream a reality. He has it too easy with people helping him financially. Also he isn't very considerate of you in this. HE is a dreamer, HE doesn't want to work. He says things will change but there is no physical actions being made there. 

    I really think when you see him in person the next time you need to open up about this to him. Let him know that resentment is building and while you appreciate his dreams, a relationship is about two people, not just one. Every choice he makes affects the both of you and it is time that he thought about more than just himself. That you aren't saying this to guilt trip him or to make him feel bad. You are opening a line of communication so hopefully things can improve. 

    And by improve I mean effort. On HIS end! Ultimatums are hard but it has been years with very little progress and I think it is time you lay out your needs. He can either respect your needs and put in the effort or it ends. 

  • 1 month ago

    Some people need a little assistance from time to time but this is not fair to you. He's a burden and the reason he seems not to care is because he doesn't need to bother himself, there will always be someone to look after his needs, his mother, his brother and now you. We know that at the moment finding a stable job is difficult due to the pandemic, but he does not seem the type that will even lift a finger to press a key on a cash register in a striving economy. He needs to realise that being a couch potato is not how bread and butter ends up on the dinner table.

  • 1 month ago

    You love him. That's fine. What's not fine is that you have a lifestyle, and you desire a lifestyle, that he's doing nothing to contribute to. You are 5 years into coddling a fellow that just isn't giving back. Of course that's weighing on you! He's not promised a darn thing that you mention to us. He's hoping. He's nearly 25 and has never got his own place, paid his own bills, but he's very charming when you see him. Yeah. Sounds like you likely outgrew him two years ago but keep hoping he'll become someone else. He's not, apparently, inspired to be anyone other than who he wants to be. Doesn't seem to be the same person you want him to be. "Normal" and "healthy" are not always the same thing. You're tormenting yourself over a boy you fell for at 20. You've grown up. He's not. I think it's time to quit going to see him and covering the expenses. He'll either get inspired... or he won't. You're chasing him. Likely time to stop doing that. 

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.