Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 month ago

If a man who is disrespectful to his mom, didn’t get “thank you” card from bride for wedding gift, is it because of how he treats his mom?

The bride is like family to him, and his mother is like a godmother to her.  He, his mother, and her live-in boyfriend went to her wedding together by car.  He and his mother each gave her a check for $100, but the bride only sent a “thank you” card to his mother, and addressed it to she and her boyfriend, but didn’t send a “thank you” card to her son, nor called or texted him.  This upset him, especially because his mother’s boyfriend doesn’t have a job.  Therefore, the $100 was only from his mother, but her boyfriend got credit as well, i.e. his name on the “thank you” envelope.  I know that “thank yous” are not just about the gifts, but also about who showed up.  But her son felt insulted, since he (unlike his mom’s boyfriend) has a job and worked hard for that $100 he was not thanked for.  Did the bride purposely not thank him due to how disrespectful he is to his mother?  FYI, he didn’t disrespect her in public at the wedding, but perhaps she dislikes him due to family gossip about how rotten he is to his mother.  

Update:

He and his mom don’t live together.  He has his own place, which was why he felt obligated to get his own gift.

10 Answers

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  • Trish
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    You should address it with the bride or rather he should.

  • 4 weeks ago

    If it doesn't personally involve you, you should stay out of it. 

  • a
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    If I thought a grown man was disrespectful to his mother, I wouldn't invite him to my wedding, because I wouldn't want someone like that for my own friend.

    I'm going to guess that the bride has no idea how you treat your mother. 

    So, a question for you: was your check cashed? Sometimes checks get lost. If the check was never cashed, the bride and groom never got it.

    Bringing a gift to the wedding with you is often done, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Gifts get lost, lists don't get made, people are liquored up transporting things and thank-you notes are forgotten. Best practice is to send a gift to the bride's address before the wedding, or the couple's home up to a year (!) after the wedding.

    I'm going to guess she made out a list of thank you notes to be written, and your name just didn't get written down. Or...she gave the groom a list of thank-yous to write (they're his gifts, too!) and he just blew it off.

  • 1 month ago

    Stop speculating. It's no concern of yours. For all you know, the second thank-you got lost in the mail.

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    No, the bride is just closer to this mother, affixed the domestic partner's name on to be nice and this "man" is a child who has mommy issues. This is between this guy and his mother's boyfriend and has nothing to do with the bride. 

  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    So how long has it been since the wedding? 

    Seems you are making a whole bunch of assumptions. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    maybe she forgot? 

    but yeah that is pretty rude. that's why i don't give wedding gifts. i have a friend like that, never says thank you to me at all, and i give her stuff in person where you're supposed to say thank you on the spot. 

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    1. Only a fool takes offense where no offense is intended. Only a drama llama would automatically assume that not receiving a prompt formal thank you is an intentional and deliberate snub. Has the check been cashed? If not, perhaps it was never received. If yes, perhaps there has been some innocent mistake or misunderstanding, perhaps the thank you was lost or delayed in the mail.

    2. "I know that “thank yous” are not just about the gifts, but also about who showed up." ... What you thought you knew is wrong. Guests thank hosts for GIVING them a wonderful party, just as any other recipeient thanks any other other giver. Your idea of the giver thanking the recipients is backwards.

    Wedding guests owe hosts a handwritten thank you. They MAY (not must) send a gift along with OR INSTEAD OF the handwritten note. If a gift is recieved, the recipient owes the giver a hand written thank you FOR THE GIFT.

    3. A formal thank you should be in the form of a hand written message on regular stationery, not in the form of a commercially produced greeting card. There shouldn't be any pre-printed message, not even the words "Thank You." 

  • 1 month ago

    The mother and her live-in boyfriend are a social unit; they come together, it's presumed the gift is from both of them, so of course the thanks would go to both of them.

    As the son sent a separate gift, he should have received a direct thank you note. The lack of this may be a mistake, a misunderstanding, or have even got lost in the post... ie don't assume the worst.  

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    No matter how the bride feels, she should have sent a card to him. If she did not want him at the wedding, why invite him. The bride is wrong.

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