Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

My brother is verbally abusive?


I just turned 20 years old and my brother is about to turn 17. We’ve always been close, but he has a really awful temper. It’s like I’ll say one thing and suddenly he snaps out of nowhere. In the past, he’s called me a whore in front of my mom and boyfriend over something that just shouldn’t have caused that type of reaction. He never gets any consequences or even yelled at for saying things like this and he’s done it so many times. This past week, he got mad at me because I didn’t let him pay for food at a fast food place. I think he saw it as emasculating or something. He then made fun of me for being unemployed, which is something that’s been a struggle for me considering I lost my job due to covid. Today, he called me a hoe and told me to get a job and go **** myself (in front of my mom, boyfriend and my brothers girlfriend). All because I asked him to give me back something he’d borrowed. My dad says I’m overreacting and that I’m too sensitive. But everyone else sees how awful he is. He shows so much misogynistic behavior and I wish I could go into depth more about that. I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel like I should be able to handle this because I’m 20, but it hurts so badly when someone who is supposed to love you constantly is belittling you and calling you terrible names. I know this might not seem too bad, but there’s just too much to explain about the situation. If anyone has gone through something similar, what did you do to fix/help the situation? 

16 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Your parents are to blame for this continuing problem with your brother, his mysoginistic attitudes and his chronic disrespect of you.  And so it's time for you to teach him a serious life lesson.

    Ask him directly, "Just who the hell are YOU to talk to ME that way?  You can talk to Mom that way, but NOT ME!  I can cut you out of my life in a heartbeat if you want to treat me with disrespect.  And all I asked you for was to RETURN something that I LET YOU BORROW.  Now, clean up your mouth when you speak to me or YOU ARE DONE!"

    Look him in the eye and lay it on the line right in front of the people he spoke disrespectfully to you to.  Let him and the others know that he is WAY out of line and inappropriate.

    Wait until he tries this name calling when he gets his first job and watch how fast he loses it!  Do him a favor and cut him down now.  

    It's high time to embarrass HIM in front of other people.

    Don't be a door mat.  Don't just take it from him or anyone else.

  • 4 weeks ago

    If i were you i would cut him off. And im sorry but why in the hell does no one say anything to him about how he talks to you? are they waiting for you to say something or are they that afraid of him that he's gonna do the same thing to them? also your dad is an @sshole. You're not being too sensitive and there's no age that will determine what you can and can't handle in terms of abuse physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise. So don't beat yourself up about not being able to take his harsh words with a grain of salt. Your dad seems to enable his behavior by acting like it's okay. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree so it wouldn't surprise me if he got a lot of those tendencies from your dad. Also there's a saying that goes genes load the gun and lifestyle pulls the trigger he got some of his genes from both your mom and dad but outside factors like your brother's lifestyle of consistently disrespecting, belittling, humuliating, and diminishing your feelings and self esteem are what pulled the trigger in his situation and your dad helped with it because he never put him in his place because he also thinks the same way and i feel like your mom is too afraid to step in. Also i know its not gonna easy at first to cut him off but you need to because this is really and severely affecting your mental health and you should never let anyone take and take from you to the point where you have nothing left. You're at the end of your rope and you almost have nothing left until your heart is completely broken from everything he's done to you. Although you can't change what he does you can change what you do therefore it's just best for you to walk away at this point.

     I've been in your shoes in a very similar situation where someone i loved was not being understanding and was just being so dramatic and angry over a situation that didnt even involve her and she was just acting like an @ss and being ignorant and those are traits that reek of the two people around her that are horrible influences on her and she was treating my fiance badly so i cut her and the others off. I don't regret it because i wasn't gonna on bad terms with the man i love just because i knew her longer, just because she was the only girl i could really call my sister, or for any reason. Because no reason on earth justified her toxic behavior. You have free will to do whatever you want in this world but i do think that getting away from someone who's bad for you is really gonna help you grow and feel MUCH better about yourself. Hope this helps and good luck. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Just don’t deal with him anymore

  • 1 month ago

    Do you own something like a baseball bat? Yeah use that the next time he says anything you don't like. People have forgotten to teach children consequences of actions so now we have generations of entitled ******* who think the world owes them something and kick off like three year olds when they don't get their own way. Of course there is the sit them down and talk to them brigade or there is the quicker fix I mention above.... Of course I am joking about the baseball bat (partly) but if anyone pushed my buttons repeatedly they would be getting a beat down so that I don't have to deal with them repeatedly. Basically if they called me a name it's going to get them hurt... The choice is theirs. Failing that if you can't go and live with your other inattentive parent you should take your Mother aside and tell her that if she doesn't clean that boys clock you're going to castrate him while he sleeps. Hope this helps.

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  • 1 month ago

    I grew up with my mum and brother being exactly the same as you’ve described your brother... and my dad did nothing . The way I dealt with it is by studying psychology, I became more understanding and realised they had a bigger problem than I did. I’m not going to tell you to study , but I will say there’s a reason for everything. Your brother is certainly not excused for his bad behaviour. Have you ever asked him how school is? Has the Covid situation affected him? How does your dad treat him? Maybe he’s like this because your dad sounds like a misogynistic too and the trait could be hereditary. Other than empathising with him, you also need to stand up for yourself and tell him how his words are disrespectful and you won’t tolerate it

  • 1 month ago

    I'm sure that if you see this in him, so does everyone else.  If he does this to you, he does it to others as well.  If you see this so do others.  They, like you, should take what he says with a grain of salt & just consider the source.  That is his nature & everyone sees it.  Don't take it personal.  He is anass hole.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Your brother is a teenager with all that that implies. Your father is right of course but your over sensitivity isn't entirely your fault either. If you two were 25 and 28 that's when it might be time to worry. Brain maturation is a process that goes through different phases and it's highly likely that when you both get through these growing pains you'll go back to being friends again. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe you should move out

  • 1 month ago

    Tell him that you like having him as a friend and that it hurts when his behaviour is and language is abusive. Remember it's a two way exchange. You have to be civil as well.

    Tell him you want your brother back.

  • 1 month ago

    Tell him to quit being such a richard. His hormones are in high gear, but he'll grow out of it.

  • donnie
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    This is absolutely not okay and I think you need to get the hell out of there. Anything physical happens call the police. Also sue the employer for firing you

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