Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 4 weeks ago

Would I be seen to have an unattractive personality from my friends?

My friends tell me that I am hardworking but some also tell me my self-deprecation is showing. I have some insecurities and one of the friends who told me that I self-deprecate a lot also has told me that I am harsh on myself. Lack of self-esteem is unattractive and I'm just learning this now. How can I turn this around so I can become an attractive human being?

1 Answer

  • 4 weeks ago

    This is something that you do for yourself and is a gift to yourself that you will increasingly grow to be thankful for. Self-esteem helps you get along with yourself even more than it can aid others. So it's baby steps. Make decisions for yourself and work on carrying them out. Like.. decide to read two books a month and apply yourself to do so. Plant a tree or get a growing thing and decide to learn how to befriend and care for it. If it dies, get another immediately. Keep it up until you can get a plant to flourish. That takes understanding a plant. Which takes the focus off you and onto the plant. Plants take understanding but they rarely require a great deal of time. Make a budget for yourself that requires putting some money away for yourself BEFORE you spend it in any way. Don't tell anyone. Just salt it way ... if it's $1 or $20 or $100.... just salt it away FIRST before you spend any of the rest. Privately watch it grow. Self esteem is not built through the eyes of others. It's built through the eyes you see yourself. Baby steps of little successes are what achieve larger ones. Get a big fat rubber band and SNAP IT, sharply, on your wrist every time you feel the need to let people know how modest you are. Snap it! Every time you hear yourself saying/thinking a compliment to someone else while comparing yourself unworthy... like, "You're so good at that! I'm not at all"... anything like that.. SNAP IT. Some types of insecurities are attempts at seeking affirmations but are crouched in such a way as to pre-reject it.  Self depreciation can be a form of Pre-Rejecting yourself before anyone else has a chance to. It's a protective tool. Against others. But the reason it's not a good tool is because using it hurts yourself more than it protects you from others. Take baby steps. teach yourself things. You don't have to tell people about them either. Like learning Japanese on the sly and then suddenly ordering in Japanese at a restaurant. Okay, that last one is hard. You get the gist. 

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