Should I ask to go on a break to make sure he’s over his ex?

I’ve started dating someone for a few months who I’ve known for years but never been particularly friends with as we only worked together. He dated a girl who used to bully me and said horrible things about me to him at the start of this year but she ended up cheating on them the entire time they were together. He claims to hate her etc (as you would) but I feel there may be some lingering feelings as he said once when we were friends that she was the first girl he truly loved. 

I’m out a long toxic relationship myself which was over years before I managed to end it for good so I am far happier since that split at the start of the year. 

Since me and this guy started dating he has said he loved me, but my problem is I feel is isn’t actually over her. He’s only been in three relationships and he’s 28, with year long gaps in between which he puts down to girls not being interested in him. I don’t think he understands how I feel as I’ve never expressed this, but i feel like if I suggested a break he would take that as me ending it which is not what I want to do. I just don’t want to have him say further down the line that he isn’t over her. He hasn’t said anything to suggest this but I know hate is an emotion that stems from hurt in his situation.

How do I suggest a break to him without coming across as though i want things to end indefinitely? I just want him to take some time to reflect to make sure he does actually like me as much as he thinks he does. 


Update: the girl made my life hell in high school and she would make sure the school bullies turned their attention towards me every day in class. understandably it is uncomfortable to me. Thanks for the advice though

2 Answers

  • Strand
    Lv 7
    2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    You are the one who isn't over his ex. A break will do nothing to resolve your insecurity and resentment. He can't change the past and it is offensive to question his character and commitment when he has done nothing wrong.This is your problem and it is your responsibility to deal with it. Ideally in therapy. Unpack your baggage and choose to trust him, or break up.

  • Eva
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Don't do it.  Breaks are highly overrated and unnecessary in a solid relationship. Your desire to "test" him comes from your own insecurities. Deal with that instead of pushing it off on him.  You've only been dating few months and are asking far too much of him.  

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