Condom affected his erection - what do we do?

My boyfriend (32) and I (31) have been together for six months and last night finally tried to have sex. We hadn't really been waiting for a specific time period, it was more just a matter of timing and feeling being right. For context: he was previously in a long-term relationship, but I've only ever had 2 other partners, so I feel like he's the more 'experienced' one out of the two of us.

Anyway, we got going and after about half an hour of making out I got a condom out for him to use. I think he was going to try without, but when I got it out he apologised and didn't object to using it. So he put it on, but then he couldn't maintain his erection. He was quite apologetic and said that condoms "always" made him lose a lot of feeling. He didn't push the issue or try to continue without one. So, after all the buildup we didn't end up having sex. I told him it was fine and we'd just have to try again soon.He said he'd tried different brands etc., but nothing had made a difference before.The other guys I've been with never had this issue, so I'm looking for advice or other ideas about what we can do to overcome it?

11 Answers

Relevance
  • 3 months ago
    Favourite answer

    For everyone saying (or thinking) "just get on the pill" ... some people can't use the pill or other hormonal birth control because of bad side effects, and there's no reason why birth control should fall entirely to the woman. Besides, from this post, we don't even know this is a woman. Could be two dudes. 

    As for condoms, there are reasons besides pregnancy to wear them, such as AIDS, herpes, HPV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Unless both partners have been tested, and then remain totally monogamous, there are risks. 

    Some guys focus entirely on their penis, when sex can (and should?) be a full-body and mind exercise - getting aroused with various body parts and with thoughts and emotions. Perhaps try roleplay, dirty talk, toys, and other things like that to keep him in the mood. 

    And there are more ways to achieve climax than with just penetration. You could try alternate sex acts, different types of condoms (it's not just different brands but different sizes, textures, thicknesses etc), or practice putting it on and giving him a handy while he wears it, to see how that goes for him, then trying penetration another time, to reduce some of the pressure to perform and help him get used to wearing it and feeling more positive about it. 

    It's entirely possible that he may have lost his erection even if you didn't use condoms, just from the anticipation and performance anxiety. This can happen to men at any age but becomes more common as they get older. 

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    tell him to drink vitamin water, (more than 5 times a day) very horny man will happen!

  • 3 months ago

    Oh give me a break! Who would need to type all that out and even supply ages just to claim someone doesn't want to suit up!

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    I have the same problem. I Was in a committed relationship for over 5 years and we never used them. After a while, you body gets use to sex without them. So when u put it on, sex doesn’t even feel the same.. it’s feels stupid. Like u can’t feel all the sensations you normally feel. Some guys just get use to condoms and have been using them for so long that they don’t know it what it feels like raw. and latex has a smell that is annoying. It does mess up the feel. I have ripped a few condoms off mid session because of it.. I rather get an std test, take the time to get to know you, and even try to see if you would take both control. Condom sex is that stupid to me. I rather wait and do it naturally when we are fully trusting of each other. It’s better that way.

    But if you are gonna rush it, than Try extra thin condoms. They even have the Non latex condoms super thin. They feel great and have worked for me. Long as STd are not a issue, I would even say lamb skin feels good too. 

    But nonthing is better than trust and freedom.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Okay. Here are the possible “problems” causing him to not maintain his erection. 

    -Problem 1: He is unfit, or not active enough, and therefore doesn’t produce much testosterone.

    Solution: Go Gym, Fix His Diet

    -Problem 2: He is cheating on you. Perhaps he’s not in the mood to have sex and his testosterone has been “released” somewhere else. 

    Solution: Be more observant of where he spends his time and who with...if he’s outside a lot that is. 

    -Problem 3: Hormonal Problems not caused by diet or exercise. 

    Solution: If this issue of him not being able to maintain erections persists, nicely and slowly convince him to see a doctor. 

    -Problem 4: He just doesn’t find you attractive. 

    Solution: Well....this is a tricky one. If he is loyal to you, but can’t get hard because you don’t arouse him, DONT go up to him and say, “is there something about me you don’t find attractive”. Woman generally know what features of theirs aren’t ideally attractive to a man, so if this happens to be the case as to why he can’t get erections, then take a long hard look at yourself. Are you too fat? And you smelly? Do you have too many facial spots? Is it your attitude or demeanour or lack of seductiveness in your approach to sex? Are you one of those woman that just lets him do all the action and you just act plainly and take it without much reaction?

    Problem 5: Quite simply. He can’t get hard with a condom on (rare). 

    Side note: Most guys can get hard with condoms on. This is not very common amongst men. 

    Solution: Practice alternate sex methods, eg pull out method. Or maybe get a coil inserted in you. These are a few options. I imagine you’d prefer the pull out method as the coil may seem invasive. It’s your choice though. 

    Just look at all these options and rule them out one by one. You know him better than we random internet people do. One thing I can guarantee you though, there’s a 95% chance it’s one of these things. 

  • 3 months ago

    If condom is too big, besides, possible to come off, during intercourse, it does hinder the direct feeling of friction, that effects maintaining an erection, and having an orgasm.  Too small, it could break, and reduce blood flow to keep an erection. Also, most condoms have some kind of lube with spermicide and some people are allergic, and it kind of numbs the penis.  Most men and young boys,  once puberty starts and we learn about masturbation, if we are not having sex with a partner, we are masturbating 2-3x a week. sometimes more, as we get close to a woman, and really badly want to have sex with them.  not know when it could happen, he could have masturbated, earlier that day or the night before.   Most men and young boys will use a sock or t-shirt and that gives more friction meaning we orgasm faster.  Usually 5-10 minutes looking at porn lightly rubbing, and then 1-2 minutes of forceful rubbing, and we are done. Going from masturbating to having  intercourse will take longer, and psychologically might lose the erection if it takes longer then his mind is used to.  And as macho men think we are we also get scared when we think we are not pleasing our partner and it could effect our performance.  And of course not knowing when we might having sex, we might have drank too much alcohol, the night before, or that day.  Since you tried sex, in a few days, you will try again.  So if he is smart will do all the things he needs to do to make him work ok.  From getting the right size condom, and lube, to getting a some rest, cutting down on drinking, and not masturbating for a few day.  You appeared to have done

     your job by telling him it ok  If the next time you try to have sex, just relax and enjoy, it should be fine.  If not, one chance in 1000, it could be a medical issue.  He could have a medical problem, and infection, and there are prescriptions and over the counter medications that can effect getting and keeping an erection.  Good luck

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    You're 31. Please don't tell me you believe him. 

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    I’ve been with a few different guys that can’t perform with a condom on. I actually really hate using condoms but sometimes it’s necessary. It might be a good idea to get on birth control. I see no reason to use condoms if you’re in a monogamous relationship. 

  • 3 months ago

    Neither of your other two lovers had an issue with condoms. I've never met a guy who didn't have an issue with condoms. I think the reason they work as birth control is because they are a huge turnoff. 

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    sorry there is nothing that'll overcome this unless you just get on the pill. i can see why you're not on it tho. especially after only being in a relationship for just 6 months.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.