Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 days ago

I’ve been lied to for 20 years I want a divorce.?

My wife told me when we first started dating years ago that she had a hormonal imbalance that made her very moody. She made up what i now found out is now an elaborate story about taking medication that helps her. 

Our daughter 16 year old daughter has been acting out uncontrollably. Fits of rage, aggression, it’s almost unbearable. We took her to a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Apparently, bipolar disorder is genetic. My wife started sobbing and came clean to me that she had bipolar disorder not a “hormonal imbalance” and has been taking medication for her bipolar since she was a teenager. She told me she did not want to tell me because she was afraid I would not have married her. D*amn right I would not have married her!!!! She has a MENTAL DISORDER that can be passed down to her children!!! I’ve never seen my wife come “unhinged” or suspected bipolar but then again, I’ve never been looking for bipolar I just assumed hormonal. I feel lied to. I feel betrayed. Now our 13 year old son could end up with bipolar too all because she was too selfish to tell me for 20 years of our marriage! I want to file for divorce and for full custody of our kids. She’s unfit to be a mother if she has bipolar disorder. She could snap at any time. I’m so angry and disgusted with my wife for lying to me and making me believe she had a hormonal imbalance when in reality she’s a looney tune who belongs in the looney bin. 

29 Answers

  • Anonymous
    6 hours ago

    It happened 20 years ago, and you already have children.  If you did not marry her, then you wouldn't have your kids either, so by divorcing her you are showing to your kids that you regret they were born.And in my opinion Biopolar is not a huge thing

  • Jane
    Lv 7
    10 hours ago

    You must be so worried and anxious, not knowing what to do.

    But it's not too late for you to get educated, as a responsible parent it's time you did some research about mental health conditions in general, since they are very common.

    Don't panic. Don't blame. Don't fixate on ideas about mental health as if mental health conditions are some kind of looney pandemic. 

  • Anonymous
    1 day ago

    Wow. If anyone needs help here it's you. I see completely why she kept it from you. You're an asshole. To your own family.

  • Anonymous
    2 days ago

    She should divorce you because you sound like a S##T bag

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  • 2 days ago

    I just gave my opinion to another person who is having marrage problerms.  His was his wife was lazy, and was tired of him working so much and wanted a divorce.  True she lied, about a medical condition, and it was unfair not mainly to you, but to her kids.  It is managable to deal with bipolor, but it is hard and very painful at times.  If I was bipolor I would think very hard and most likely not have kids since 50% chance my kids would also get it.  I would prefer not to have kids volunteer with kids, or adopt.  instead.  But I am not a woman and fully understand the needs of some women to have kids.  As I said to the other guy, you never know if your mate is the mate forever.  You do not know this until you gor through some bad times setbacks, and both rise to the event and do what is needed.  It is not as bad as you think it is.  WIth counseling and medications your kids can live a good life.  It would be like from 1-10 living a 5.  Note.  For many reasons about 30-50% live at a 5 or higher.  normally.  Life is not purfect. I guess after 20yrs, if she has been there for you with other bad times, and you were there for her, that is a lot to give up, because your wife was scared to tell you about a medical condition. 

  • 2 days ago

    Bipolar is a hormonal imbalance, so she didn’t completely lie. She just never told you the medical term used for this. I do believe that it was wrong of her not to tell you for so long, it was selfish and disrespectful to betray you like that. But you knew what she was like before getting married, the only thing that’s changed is that she has told you the name of her condition. She is still the person you fell in love with, wanted to marry, start a family with. 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 days ago

    Um, bipolar disorder IS a hormonal/chemical imbalance and if your wife was diagnosed more than 20 years ago that could be what she was told. But if she's managed to get stabilized on medication there's a good chance your daughter's condition could be managed the same way. This is just semantics and it's not like she totally lied to you. You could have done a search for "hormone imbalance" years ago and "bipolar" would have popped up in the results. But given your current mood and lack of understanding about this condition I think it probably would be best for the rest of your family if you filed for divorce and maybe went off to educate yourself on this. If you're incapable of comprehension then not having you in their lives would be best for your wife and your children. 

  • KTJoe
    Lv 7
    2 days ago

    Maybe divorce is the answers I mean everybody in the home has a mental disorder, except for you. I guess you never read wife's medication bottles. 

  • 3 days ago

    Bipolar disorder can be genetic, and it usually SKIPS a generation. So it's uncommon for a bipolar person to have a child with that problem.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    3 days ago

    Yes, you were lied to for twenty years, and yes, that sucks. If you want to divorce your wife as a result, that is certainly your choice. It is unlikely you would get full custody of your children, as bipolar does not make someone an unfit parent. You even said yourself that you’ve never seen anything to make you suspect bipolar in the twenty years you’ve been with her, so obviously she has never snapped at any time, and there’s no reason to think she abruptly will now. You sound disgustingly intolerant and uneducated, so good luck to your children.

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