Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Adult children who do not respect me.?

My children are now adults and don't respect me. Both seem annoyed with me, no matter what I do. They roll their eyes and do the opposite of everything I have ever taught them. It breaks my heart, but I cannot continue to be a punching bag. I am sure I have done too much for them growing up and now they seem bitter toward me for it? Wow, most kids are angry that their parents weren't there for them! Their dad, my husband has never been involved and you would think they would be angry with him, but everything is on me. He walks away or sits quiet, so he is part of the problem. Our youngest daughter and her toddler live with us and she expects me to do a lot more than she is willing to do and when I don't want to, threatens to leave and take the baby that I am very close to and is also close to me. It's manipulation. Many will say to let her leave but it's not that easy since I am the primary caregiver and the baby knows it. Anyone living this life?

Update:

I was the disciplinary parent. My husband didn't help and actually threw me under the bus when I needed his support. I guess they figured they had options because dad didn't care nor did he respect me.

11 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Words of advice from a daughter:

    Situations like these can be a lot more complicated than what's visible at first glance. Right now you seem to be stuck, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

    Like someone else says, children learn from their parents, and if your husband didn't care and didn't respect you then they might have picked up their behaviour from him, and even worse, they might have picked up your behaviour from you as well, possibly finding partners who don't care and don't respect them either. Where is your grandbaby's father in all this?

    There might also be other issues that are causing your children to resent you that you aren't aware of.

    Now, I'm not a bit fan of psychologist or therapists, but I do think that getting an outside perspective from a professional could help in your situation. Both to clarify the situation for you and also to give you some tools to manage it. Maybe it doesn't have to be an either or, maybe your relationship with your adult children is salvageable without you having to resort to huge, risky conflicts.All the very best to you.

  • 1 month ago

    In the end, children LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE WITH.

    Your children have learned to disrespect you because you don't set any limits on their behavior....and your husband doesn't have to.  He merely avoids any responsibility.

    And so, the ball is in your court.  Put your foot down and assert yourself or forever be the door mat.  You choose.

  • Carmen
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Hello concerned one as you mentioned it seems like your kids are either spoiled or ungrateful or maybe just testing you because their dad not bring a responsible parent so they rebelling knowing this either way if it’s too many chiefs and not enough Indians in any situation so to speak there will be issues. And if you’re being to timid too with certain things that’s not helping. Why are you the primary caregiver instead of the child father and your daughter? Regardless of all this if you’re husband is half the problem then you have to figure out what to do about that scenario pray for strength and courage to endure. 

  • 1 month ago

    Maybe you should ask your children WHY they treat you like this. I’m 28 years old and had resentment towards my mother for the way she raised me, I still have emotional scars that I only told her about recently. She had no idea. So I suggest you talk to your kids about why they’re acting this way, and apologise for anything you should apologise for. Parents aren’t always right, they make mistakes that can cause their child to grow up with serious issues

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  • 1 month ago

    Seems there was too much pampering involve in the process. So they got bold and expect you to provide. Growing up I learned the hard way (Tough-Love) ,My mum would do so like a fishing game with love. You give when necessary and be cold when you have to. If I dumped my kids with my mum , She would had passed a remark like “If you can’t look after your own kids don’t make any in the first place cause I ain’t your free labour baby sitter”.  

    Sounds tough but I learned to be independent although I was angry at first, I learned much later in life that it was not right to deprive my parents of their time too. A mistake also I learn as a parent was never to take disciplinary on just yourself,Both the Husband and you should do so. It will grow on the child that your the evil one and Dads always the good guy.

    To rectify this is to start being tough, if your not being respected then don’t give any at all to them. You can tell them to choose if they can give you that respect as a Mother and if they can’t the door is open. Or as my Mother would do unto me the silence is golden treatment. Don’t speak, don’t look, Ignore.

    I didn’t grow up to have wonderful parents. But having to learn to do things on my own and time to reflect on the cold treatment made me respect my parents regardless as how bad they were . I won’t be here without them.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe you should give them a certain amount of time to move out

  • 1 month ago

    Though you worry about your grandchild, you cannot permit your daughter to get used to using that child to get her own way. If she does not behave respectfully in this situation, then she needs to leave. If you have reason to believe that the child would be harmed in any way then you can report that, and possibly even become legal guardian if necessary. 

  • A
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    You need to stand up for yourself. Your daughter should take care of her own kid. You can give her some help, but you should never be doing more than she does. I’m guessing her threats to take the kid and leave are empty threats. If she leaves, she will no longer have any help. It’s time you put your foot down and behave like a parent. Your kids are acting like spoiled brats. They will keep walking all over you until you refuse to allow it. 

  • Sandy
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    you're a doormat! you never stood up to your children and let them know YOU were in charge. so since they never respected you growing up, why would you expect them to respect you now that they're adults? call your youngest's bluff. tell her to go live with the baby's daddy because you've had it! make her get a job, pay rent and pitch in with the house work if she wants to live with you. your husband is a lost cause but you should give him an ultimatum too!

  • 1 month ago

    You need a glass of wine. That is difficult and I can tell you love them. I remember having differences with my parents but I was always grateful. Maybe they found some animosity in something but at the end of the day they seem to rely on you and depend on you whether they want to admit it or not. We all have different personalities so telling you space helped me might not work for your family or maybe it would. I always take the time to smoke a blunt and find a silver lining so my current issues don't drive me crazy. I try not to dwell on things I know I won't know the answer to. There is no point knocking my head over something I won't understand. Engaging in things I'm familiar with helps my sanity and my confidence. Perhaps watching a favorite show to ignore the chaos. I wish you a lot of luck my friend. 

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