If he chooses his parents over me, should I break up?

He's 29 and says he loves me but he still lives at home with his parents. He should graduate in two weeks so doesn't have a job yet, but I do and I have plenty of money to support us. The problem is, his parents are extremely dominant. They say that if he doesn't stay at home, they will disowe him! He's scared that if he will choose for me, he won't be able to see his other family anymore. His parents obviously also don't care about our relationship, cause I live 150 km away. I would prefer if we went to rent something together. He's severely depressed and now extended his psychiatrical guidance to deal with this inhumane treatment by his parents. I'm afraid he will (have to) choose for his parents. I Iove him to death but we won't stand a chance cause of the distance and because I can't come over either cause already dislike his parents, it's a snake pit. They fight every day. My bf wants to run away, he wants to be with me, but he's terrified of losing his family. Personally I don't think he should give in to his toxic parents. So if he does, I should break up with him, right? I'm not bowing to his parents. If he doesn't choose for me, he gets nothing! Also, toxic parents belong in hell.

8 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    You shouldn't break up with him but make him realize he's 29 he needs to get his life together he isn't 18 or a teenager anymore. Making him choose isn't fair to him because living in a toxic household for over 18 years makes it kind of hard to leave when he loves his parents, but he also loves you. Try to make him spend the night for a few nights at your house to make him realize it'll be better with you. You have to slowly work these things out and ask him what he fears. He also needs to talk to his parents and tell them he's almost 30 and wants to start and begin his life.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Sound like this poor guy is just trying to finish his education so he can get a foot onto the ladder of life but he's got overbearing people on all sides pressuring him, including you. So maybe if you want to make his parents look more unreasonable than you are you should stop sweating him to move out before he has the financial underpinnings to do so in a respectable manner. No one worth having will willingly make themselves entirely dependent on a non marital partner's income. Let him figure things our for himself and stop being just as oppressive as his parents are. 

  • Mike A
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    At 29, your boyfriend is a grown man. Yet he persists in acting like he's still a child. He's in his comfort zone and in the lap of luxury. He clearly doesn't seem to care about the relationship he has with you. If he did, you would not hear him complaining about it. You would see him mourning the loss of his overbearing family as he started a new life with you. But since he's laying these problems out for you, he's already making the choice. He has already chosen them and expects you to be fine with this.

    There is nothing you can say or do to change his mind at this point. He has no backbone and he's very used to being waited on by his family. There will never be a point where he changes his mind and becomes the man you really need. You have already been considering a breakup. It's time. There is no medal for being a patient girlfriend to a man-child. At 29, he's outgrown his big-boy britches. Yet his mom probably does his laundry, cooks for him, cleans his room and makes sure he's well taken care of.

    Like I said, by complaining about all of this, he's dismissing responsibility for his inaction, and he's burdening you to just deal with things the way they are. He likely just wants you to stop complaining. He doesn't really want a girlfriend the likes of you. He wants a personal waitress who will also double as his wallet. 

    And that's the best advice I can give. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    thats up to you

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  • g
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    He shouldn't have to choose between you. He's 29, not 9. It's past time he get out on his own and built his own life. You cant do that for him and have no business interfering. Encourage him to do what's best for him and leave it alone.

  • 1 month ago

    We need a little cultural background information here. You seem to be a non-native speaker of English. What culture is your boyfriend from? Most 29 year olds in the UK and the US have no trouble becoming independent from their parents, but there are cultural groups where a break with the parents means a break with the whole community, and some pretty serious consequences. 

  • Helen
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Break up. The issue isn't his controlling parents, it's his weakness and inability to stand up to them.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    1 - Mature adults don't need the help of strangers on Yahoo to sort out their lives;

    2 - It's never a good idea to marry someone whose parents you think belong in Hell;

    3 - I'm not sure who should be under extended "psychiatrical" guidance.

    You have posted that you only date autistic men.  This one, in particular, has Aspergers.  Why is that your choice in men?

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