Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

Was i rude or am i overthinking?

A boy i like was inconsistent with me in the past and flaked a few times..but he says I'm his closest friend and called me after a few weeks..he had to go do something and he said he'd call in a while something came up and he didn't..but later he was surprisingly was very sweet and apologized for not calling...he called again to "hear my voice" because he missed me and  something came up (his boss called him) so he said please wait i will call in half an hour i said ok...he called after two and a half hours when I was just about to sleep.I wanted to pick but i was very sleepy..the next day i said nothing and i feel like I should have apologized for  not picking or explaining? Am I just overthinking it or is he going to think it rude

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  • Mike A
    Lv 6
    2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    You do not owe extra chances to unreliable people. The reasons they are unreliable have simple explanations, no matter how complicated they try to make it out to be. Either they are overworked, have trouble saying no to people, or they overbook themselves. Maybe they are handling everything in their lives as well as they can, but in either of these cases, and maybe some I can't think of.  they just don't have the spare time and energy to date. 

    He has already let you down in the past. It sounds like you hoped it would be different this time around, but it doesn't sound like it has been so far. In this case, it may be in his best interest to actually know if his flakiness does reach dealbreaker status with you. I would not give him any kind of warning or ultimatum. Just give him only as long as your patience will allow it, then be prepared to deliver the news. Then let him feel like he's lost you. It sounds harsh, but this is a lesson he can either learn now, or someday. In the end, you will be this fed up if he continues to over-promise and under-deliver. He says that you are his best friend. So this mean you may be his only friend. He probably lost everyone in his life being this way, and one day he will wake up and see what he's done. 

    I had an important person in my life who was like this. She was an ex who I was on good terms with, but she was a massive flake, just like this guy. The flakiness did eventually ruin everything good we had. Our friendship eventually crumbled to the point that she'd always call me when I was busy, I'd tell her a better time to call, and she never would. She never called when she said she would, but would call me right away whenever she needed something. One day, I got tired of her games and set her ringtone to silent with no vibration, and I told her she can leave a message when she calls and I will call her when I'm free. She has't called me once since then, because she wanted the friendship on her terms and didn't care about my time. 

    So, how I suggest you handle it is how I handled my situation, and I put the decision off for a long time. But I am a massage therapist. Sometimes I cannot answer calls and texts. Sometimes I will call back hours later or possibly the next day, but I am sure that people know that, and if it's going to be a while, I text them with a realistic estimate. It only takes a moment to respect someone else's time and energy. 

    And that's the best advice I can give. 

  • 2 months ago

    Overthinking, he called too late and you were trying to sleep. He’s wouldn't think anything of it.

  • 2 months ago

    You are not obligated to answer your phone or your door bell or someone pounding at your door. Unless the people pounding on your door are licensed law enforcement officers who will tear it down with guns blazing if you refuse to open it. That's the only exception. You simply aren't. It's not rude to not be available at someone else's convenience. It wasn't rude of him to be too busy to talk. It's not rude of you to not answer your phone when you don't want to. Usually people are just living their lives.. not playing games and keeping score. 

  • God
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    He called you way later than he said he would.  You don't owe him an apology.

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