Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

Why's this boy avoiding me after i confessed? He kept on showing me motives and when I admitted, he starts ignoring me. ?

We spend time together with just the two of us. I went to their house few times and when I go there, he would hug me, make physical contact. He was my first hug. He gave me panda hug, squeeze tight hug, back hug, etc. He's 6ft and I'm 5ft so whenever he hugs me I felt comfortable. Sometimes he says I'm cute. He teases me and says he'll kiss me (but i know he won't). He even told me he feels flattered (kilig in Filipino term) when we chat and when we're together. HE KEPT SHOWING ME THESE MOTIVES SO I BECAME CONFUSED ABOUT HOW I FEEL. I confessed 2x. 1st, I asked him, "You don't like me, do you?", and told him I'm confused about how I feel and that I wanted to get rid of this feeling. He replied, "I'm confused. I don't know if I like you completely or not. I just don't wanna think about it." After a week, we haven't been hanging out or chatting too much. I realized I missed him. I can't take it anymore so I told him I miss him and confessed saying, "I think I like you." He said, "I’m not sure I can return the same feeling towards you, sorry." He insisted on changing our nicknames on fb messenger to something more friendly-vibes. From then on, I felt like he was distancing himself from me. His replies became short and I think he feels awkward cuz of what I did. I know I already got rejected but still I don't know if he really likes me or not. Were those motives empty and he wasn't serious about those? He doesn't really like me, does he?

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  • Mike A
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    It is unfortunate that sometimes we learn lessons like this. I have been through something much like this, so I understand your level of hurt and disappointment perfectly. Unfortunately, what your friend did was unknowingly lead you on. In your case, I do not blame you for being so confused. His actions were definitely mixed signals, and I really don't blame you for taking pleasure in being treated so kindly. 

    One of the hard lessons I have had to learn myself, was not to throw out mixed signals. Sometimes, that means owning up to all your intentions with a person early on. Also, the responsibility is on a person to watch and listen to the ways people who are bonding engage you, including the ones you might find disappointing. I have found that if you resist the urge to grow attached to one desired outcome with someone, it is easier to avoid confusing situations like this. 

    Girls mature faster than guys. At your age, boys are easily two to possibly four years behind you, as if I had to convince you that teenage boys are immature... Some of that maturity is emotional. In fact, there are a lot of teenage boys who aren't even mature enough to actually date someone or try for a relationship until their 20s. Meanwhile, I've met a recent high school graduate, a gilr who I believe was mature enough to begin a life as the head of a household. I know a few middle aged adults who married at 18 or before and have stayed married for over 20 years. 

    It sounds to me like your friend is in the category of late bloomers and he's still in the mode where the idea of romance is overwhelming. Simply put, he's just not ready. It's not something I recommend trying to wait out either. I suggest you give yourself a break from this guy for a while. You may want to hide him on any social media. No need to unfriend him. No need to make any kind of declaration. Just occupy yourself. Take up a new hobby, or dust one off. Do something fun for you. It probably stings a bit from this rejection. But think about it this way, it could have gone a lot worse. Put away everything around your house that reminds you of him. Just pack it in a box and put it on a high shelf somewhere you never look. Or ask a friend to hold onto it for you. You don't need to get rid of it, because there will be a time when you'll heal from this and you might consider a friendship. Or you two may cross paths later in life, and maybe things might be different. That is not a ship that you can steer. If it's supposed to happen, it won't need your help making it happen. 

    So, here's some good news. The next time you develop a crush on a guy, you aren't going to be as scared to let your interest show. Don't be. In fact, as a bisexual man, I have discovered that with guys, it's best to tell them where they stand with you as soon as you can. I mean, immediately after you make up your mind about how you feel for them. You're going to make boys cry; not your problem. You're going to break some hearts. You are going to ruin some fantasies. You are going to reject people for small but important reasons. You are going to ignore a lot of unwanted attention. None of these things are wrong or bad. 

    Just the same, some interest or attraction you have is going to be unwanted attention. Some people that want your attention will not be up to your standards. But if they want to really know why them wanting you is not enough to want them back, tell them that if every restaurant was free, you wouldn't eat at every restaurant. 

    So if you find yourself really attracted to someone, letting them know that you find them desireable early on, before you've grown attached, is best. After all, you could be really into someone, but then they do something completely awful and the interest goes away. If you've waited months or years to express attraction, it will hurt way worse when they back off. But if they're just a gorgeous stranger, and they bolt away when you flirt, that's way better than having a longtime crush go poof when you finally let the cat out of the bag. 

    And yes, I do mean call friends friends and lovers lovers. If someone is hurt when you are being kind and sincere, or possibly just sincere, it's their fault for getting their hopes up, and it is their responsibility to learn from their mistakes. You don't owe them anything, no matter how much they have convinced themselves that you do. Excluding actual financial agreements, it is you who decides who you owe what to. But just know that also applies to the other person. Just watch out for people who try to convince you that you owe them because they have been nice to you. Nice has a price, when someone's kind, they don't mind. 

    And that's the best advice I can give. 

  • 2 months ago

    I would maybe leave it alone for now and try to continue on as just friends if you can, then let things sort of happen naturally, if they happen at all. Don't keep your hopes up too high though, meaning continue on looking elsewhere for a potential partner just in case things with him don't work out. If you find someone, that's great, and it just means he lost his chance, but at least you can go forward with life and be happy rather than hung up on someone who may or may not want to be with you.

  • 2 months ago

    It's very common for people to really like each other but not want to turn that into a romantic relationship. That's not the same thing as "getting rejected". It just suggests that the two of you are continuing to develop your friendship without putting it into the "romance" range.  Which, reading this, sounds like a good idea.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    i think you should move on to another guy, this guy was honest to tell you he doesn’t like you back. he is distancing to not hurt you & continue to make you attached. you should appreciate he was honest, most guys end up leading you on for sex & then leave. this guy seems nice, keep talking to him as a friend. & if you want to date, you should find a new guy.

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