Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureLanguages · 2 months ago

Is this inconsiderate?

My boyfriend and I went to dinner with 2 of his friends. All parties present speak English and 3 also speak another language. You guessed it, I don’t speak the other language. They spoke in the other language a majority of the time aside from a question occasionally in English. I felt it was a little rude, but my boyfriend did not agree. He said I could have butted into their conversation at any time and attempted to start my own conversation with them in English. 

Thoughts?

9 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    I guess they didn't realize how you felt, and it is easier for them to speak their own language, and that's what happened.  Yeah, maybe it was a little rude that they didn't speak English and include you, but then, you also could have spoken up too.  Next time, if you feel excluded, speak up and ask what's going on, or change the subject, or whatever seems best.  

  • hi
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    What language was it? italian? spanish? usually english speaker labels those languages as "easy" so maybe your boyfriend and his family assumed that you were having an easy time understanding what they were talking about.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Yes, very.  The question should have been asked in Etiquette.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    A lot would depend on your own attitude and behaviour. If you sat there looking glum and relying on THEM to talk to YOU, no wonder you didn't enjoy it. Yes, they were a bit inconsiderate, but you could have DONE something about it yourself! For example, you could have jumped in now and again with a smile, saying 'Hey, that's enough! I can tell that was a really funny story so will someone please tell me it in English?"

    And here's a thought: if your boyfriend speaks that other language, how about YOU starting to learn it too?

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  • A
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    That’s incredibly rude. Your bf shouldn’t have invited you out with his friends if they were just gonna ignore you and speak another language the whole time. He made absolutely no effort to include you. You should explain to him how rude that is and how it made you feel. If you need a good comparison, as him how he would feel if you invited him out with your girlfriends and you all started whispering and just left him out. At the very least, you should refuse to hang out with him and his friends unless he agrees in advance to ask them to speak English (and remind them if necessary). Your bf was being very inconsiderate with his behavior.

  • 2 months ago

    I'm with you. The only exception would be if they were discussing some subject that they felt comfortable discussing in the other language, but not in English. In international groups, English generally winds up being the lingua franca. This may be because it has become the international language for business and for air travel. Or it might be because most Americans can't hold a conversation in any language but English. I have found that French comes in second, being the international language for law and for tourism. A few times I have had to communicate in French to be understood. Once, I could not understand the French spoken in a heavy Syrian accent but was passed through, anyway.

    You might have gotten the dinner-table conversation rerouted to English by asking for a translation.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You could have but it is over and not end of the world.

  • 2 months ago

    Have you not asked this question a few times before?  When one is raised with another langue it is common to enjoy speaking with others in your "mother tongue" 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I mean, it'll be harder for you because you've live in an English speaking country all your life so there are things you won't understand from lack of experience.

    You could have butt into the conversation and talked to them. If they're just talking to each other. They can speak in whatever language they want. If you're engaging them in conversation and including yourself if they have the ability to converse with you they will.

    Even when I go to Singapore, people will speak to me accommodating to my American understanding. They change the currency, units of measurements and words so I can understand things. I'm in their country. They do this for me everywhere else I travel to different countries. Americans are very rude in trying to force them to their bigoted ways instead of being accommodating to visitors. It's the American way where they want visitors to accommodate to them. They call it nationalism but it is bigotry.

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