Am I emotionally abusive?

Me and my ex broke up but I realized where I had gone wrong. She called me emotionally abusive and wanted to make sure I knew that before she considered trying again.

She said it's because I withheld affection and called her names in fights amongst other things.

I tried to explain I didnt withhold affection. My level of affection is just different. I'm not a huge cuddler and explained I get claustrophobic while we were still dating. And I didnt tell her this but we both used names. Our last fight she was verbally calling me names and I didnt reply in kind. I knew she was hurt and i didnt have a leg to stand on.

But now my head is spinning wondering if I am. I moved to the city with her even though I wanted to live in the suburbs. I washed all the dishes everyday because she didnt want to even though it sucked having to do it after 13 hour work days. She told me I was selfish and not valuing her because I worked too much so I made a plan to cut back.

I know noone knows for sure but can anyone give insight?

1 Answer

Relevance
  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Marriage is so dead now.  And dating?  Getting there, quickly.  Women have such unrealistic standards now that they literally can't find a man on the whole planet that is good enough, but still single.  Many women are so desperate to have a guy that they will settle for just anybody, thinking that they can CHANGE him to be what they want him to be.

    She said you withheld affection.  NO, she was co-dependent and trying to leverage you with guilt to change your behavior to meet her needs.

    You called her names in fights.  OK, then you two need to learn to fight fairly.  But that's not just your problem.

    You get claustrophobic.  Yup, that's what happens when you try to keep someone co-dependent happy.  It will never work, they always want more.

    You chose to leave the suburbs to go to the city to keep her happy.  Yes, because she's trying to change you into something that you are not. 

    You washed the dishes every day after working 13 hours.  Yikes.  I don't know how to comment on that without it sounding insulting to YOU.

    Your working too much was "selfish".  Oh wow...

    Yeah, that goes back to women want everything in one guy, which will never happen.  They want the guy to have a large income without having to work for it.  

    It's hard for me to advise you where to go from here.  If you go back, it will be more of the same.  But if you date any other girl, you will have the same issues....or different ones that are just as annoying.  It's not you.  It's women.  Many guys have just given up on dating completely.  That's a great idea, except that sex is hard to live without.  But some guys would rather go without sex than date today's "women".

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.