Am I being unreasonable ?

My sons father has been in prison since he was 1 for robbery, attempted murder and assult. My son is about to be 5 in July and his day is now in the halfway house. I am currently in a relationship and my fiancé and family hates my sons father. He and my sons father even got into an argument over the phone. they have squashed things. I also assured him he could call and speak to his son anytime he wants. I arranged for once a week he is able to go to a relative house and see his son. Also he was attempting to get permission on Saturdays to see him as well I agreed(again he is in the halfway house. His job assist him with this by using business hours to take him to that relative house for a hour to see his child) . While i had something planned for my son this weekend he asked if approved could he see his son. I agreed. I never got a response so i texted him. He read my message and did not respond. I texted again and he called. He said that his boss denied his request and he would not be able to see him. He said he would call him later and i said that's fine. He then replied the phone works both ways. He feels i should tell my son to call his dad to speak to him sometimes instead of him calling his son. I disagreed with his statement. I don't believe its my child's job to build this relationship it is his fathers. He feels i should make my son build their relationship . Make him call his dad, Make him stop what he is doing to talk to his dad no matter when he dad calls him etc.

3 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    A bit. Most people would have filed the paperwork to strip him of parental rights entirely while he was in prison for those violent crimes. 

  • Strand
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Yes, it is unreasonable to allow a man who has been absent from your son's life for years to have unrestricted access to him and to dictate the terms of their relationship. He needs to earn a relationship with his son and prove that he will be a safe and positive influence. Your son also needs stability and consistency. Allowing a practical stranger to drop in and out of his life whenever he feels like it is harmful. Schedule his phone calls from now on and put him on speaker so you can listen in. You should also make therapy a condition of continued access to your son. Your ex is a damaged man and has no idea how to be a father or relate to children, he needs professional help.

  • 1 month ago

    You are correct.

    Remember that it was your son's father's behavior that separated him from the boy in the FIRST PLACE....your son had nothing to do with it.

    I don't feel that it is the child's place to pursue a relationship with the father he barely knows (even though his father would just LOVE to have that going on to feed his ego).

    Stick to your guns and REMAIN IN CHARGE OF YOUR DON'S LIFE.  A child deserves a routine in a stress free environment where his needs are met.  This is NOT ABOUT MEETING THE NEEDS OF HIS FATHER.

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