Should I feel bad or am I overreacting?
I've been married for a couple years and my husband and I are both in grad school. We're living apart until he's done though so we have 2 apartments. My in-laws are great, always nice to me and never mistreat me. However, they're quite a bit more wealthy than my parents so my husband has everything paid for. He has his whole undergrad + grad tuition paid, his rent/utilities are paid, his mom sends him grocery money every month, etc. I'm not trying to be ungrateful here, they did also lease a car for us that I get to use while I'm away at school and they love to take us out and buy us food/clothes etc. They do a lot for me too.
But I'm in grad school too, I worked my butt off in undergrad so I could graduate debt free, I'm currently working part time in school so I can pay my own rent/utilities/groceries, and I paid for my husband's rent last year as well working full time. It just hurts to watch my husband get everything he needs taken care of + luxury shoes, suits, a new computer, etc. while I have to be stressed about making ends meet and take out student loans. I'm not saying they should pay for me too, it just feels unfair.
I think the last straw was last summer during COVID when we had to move in with his parents. I literally worked all day and he relaxed and got his motorcycle license (something I really wanted to do!). His dad wants to take him on a motorcycle tour around Europe this summer as a graduation gift which I feel is a bit unfair to me. Am I overreacting?
- Anonymous1 month agoFavourite answer
When you decide to live a completely separate life from your husband, you can’t get upset that he is living a more comfortable life than you. If he were actually earning his money, I’d suggest that he should give you some help. He is your husband after all. But you’re an adult, and you have to accept that people who come from rich families will have it easier. Life’s not fair. Your husband has a family that is willing and able to spoil him. Just try not to resent him too much for this. You can’t expect him to decline the help, but you also can’t expect his family to support you when you aren’t living with their son. When you do finally get a place together, you’ll have his help to take some of the responsibility off you.
I have to wonder if your husband will do his part though. He seems to have lived a very privileged life. It’s concerning that while you lived with his family, you worked your butt off and he sat around enjoying the lack of responsibility. He should have at least done something to help you out. He seems awfully comfortable with letting you work your butt off while he sits back and lets his family pay his way. Some of your frustrations are absolutely justified, but others seem like you’re just jealous and resentful. Once you start living together, you’ll be pooling your resources. The things that he has will also benefit you. But if he just lets you work hard while he does nothing, it may be time to give him a swift kick in the behind.
- Anonymous1 month ago
You're asking us if your resentment is justified, about how much easier things are for your husband than for you due to the fact that his family is wealthier than yours? No, it's not. It's ridiculous. You should be thankful that you married into a family that's capable of being as generous to you both as they have been.
- MattLv 61 month ago
both of you are too young to be married, if he can not stand on his own two feet he is still a child