When is the appropriate time for your child to meet the guy you are dating?
I've been seeing this guy for the past three months and it is pretty serious. I really think that I am in love with him but he has never met my seven-year-old daughter although he does know about her. She doesn't know about him or even know that I'm dating anyone. I was just wondering when is the right time for me to introduce him to her? I was thinking about doing it very soon since I think it will likely last forever since I get a feeling that he is the one.
- Anonymous1 month ago
pretty serious after 3 months? i don't think so. try a year.
"i think it'll last forever" god how old are you? wait a year before saying all this crap!
- PLv 71 month ago
I think it's long overdue. Many parents wait until they are almost married to someone to introduce them to their kids which is a huge mistake. Just like you needed plenty of time to get to know your boyfriend so do your kids. They will feel betrayed and deceived if you suddenly introduce him and then a month later he's basically moving in. I'll assume you are not dating the boogie man, so don't act like he is. Just introduce him at a dinner or lunch as a friend as soon as you do this the better. Let them get to know him slowly at their own pace just like you did. It takes time. It's hard to be patient if your relationship is further along, but that's what happens when you keep it a secret from your kids for so long. Just like a teacher or a good neighbor your boyfriend is just another friendly adult in their life in the beginning. It's important they get to know him as that before he's around so much that he inevitably falls into more of a parent role.
- Anonymous1 month ago
it's best if you explain things to her and maybe when she understands all this you're good to go ...good luck!
- Anonymous1 month ago
A good time is seventeen days before you decide to shack up
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- GrethLv 61 month ago
If you genuinely believe this man could be "the one", or at least that you two are getting serious, then before you introduce them, I think you should do two things:
1. Talk to him. Find out if he is on the same page as you. If you already have and he is, then go on to point 2.
2. Tell your daughter that you are dating someone BEFORE you introduce them. You say she does not know you are dating someone (imho, a good thing when things are still new and not established yet). That way she will not be completely blindsighted by you suddenly bringing a man around. Also assure her that this new man is not meant to replace her father, if he is still on the scene in any way, or if she still has affection for her father. If he is however, completely absent, or if she has never met him, then skip that part and mention that you are seeing someone that you really like and hope that she likes him as well because you hope this will go on for quite a long time (don't say forever as you honestly can never tell).
Then introduce them at some low-pressure social event instead of a sit-down dinner. Arrange for a day out together shopping/sightseeing/whatever.
- RichardLv 61 month ago
Depends on how receptive he is to maybe taking on a dad role if you're as serious as you say
- I'm MattmanLv 51 month ago
I would talk about it with him, and then I would talk about it with her. Make sure they are both comfortable with it. She's at that age where she's able to have at least some understanding of things like this, however minimal that may be. You just want to make sure she's ok with having a stranger suddenly being brought into her life. Not only that, kids are pretty perceptive when they want to be, and this could kind of be like a second opinion type deal. If something is off or weird, chances are pretty good she's going to notice it before you do, especially since you're kind of biased in this situation. After they do meet, you can then talk to her about it and ask her what she thinks. Tell her to be completely honest. If she likes him, cool. If she finds something weird, take a step back and try to see what she see's and if it means anything. Whether you like it/agree or not, he'll be becoming a part of both of you're lives, rather than just yours alone, so her thoughts should matter too. You and her are a package deal so, while she is just a child, every choice and decision you make also affects her. You have to be careful with that. I'm not sure as to what can be considered too early or the right time, honestly, but if I had to guess it would be the time when everyone is feeling comfortable enough would be the best. Even if you don't introduce them now and instead wait a couple more months or something, I'd at least talk to her about it so that there's less of a surprise and she has time to kind of get used to the idea. Hope that helps in some way. Good luck.
- Coach SimonLv 71 month ago
Really - three months is not long enough to decide about long term. We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.
As for your daughter, at her age there is no special need to use the word "dating", but he is a special friend perhaps. I wouldn't build it up, as people do come and go in our lives and she is a little young to discuss adult concepts, however much she thinks she knows.
- Anonymous1 month ago
In my opinion, three months in is too soon. You're still in the whirlwind romance phase, and while it might feel real and feel like it will last forever right now, things could still change pretty fast. I'd give it another three months if I were you.
- 1 month ago
6 months may be a good timeframe. Also, double-check and make sure it's a good timeframe for him.