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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 2 months ago

Mum doesn't value my friendship more than others.?

Me and my mum just started talking after 5 years of me ignoring her.

I'm 21 and she kicked me out when she owed me a bunch of money, we didn't speak for ages... she still owes me that money plus £20 that I gave her recently. I'm not going to ask for it but I won't lend to her next time.

This doesn't annoy me, the past doesn't annoy me. It's despite all this I'm still not valued.

When I go over I bring her food, snacks... we order takeaways and watch movies... 

I treat her like a human being.

Where as her friends don't come over unless she has money or alcohol, one friend often  comes over with nothing and leaves with something.

My mum never has any money and it's because as soon as she does she's tricked out of it by her friends, yesterday her boyfriend said he was going to shop so my mum gave him £20 to get her something... he never came back. 

These are the people my mum loves to surround herself with, meanwhile I get no more or less respect than the people stealing from her... I have to pick up the pieces whilst they're else where spending her money.

2 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 5
    2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Your mom obviously has some significant issues, none of which have a thing to do with you, as much as they unfortunately impact you.

    She is who she is, until/unless she recognizes the need for change and is willing to do something about it, she won't change.

    I understand the desire, the yearning, the pain involved of having a parent is seemingly incapable of giving you what you need.

    I'm going to guess you've tried to talk to her about this, if so the rest is up to her.  So two choices: accept things as they are or move on.  She is not your responsibility.

    Value yourself.  Your post indicates maturity beyond your years, her problems are not yours.

  • 2 months ago

    You don't have a good relationship with your mother and you haven't spoken to her for 5 years so you are never again going to be flavour of her month.  She's a bit flaky and has hangers-on as friends.  Your £20 paid her boyfriend didn't it.  Yes, don't argue with her but don't give her money any more.  Make up some excuse why you can't - ie.  I don't have any spare cash at the moment.....sorry.  She and you are separate entities and you have separate lives.  She's your mum and you obviously care for her but you won't change her.  You have to accept her as she is.  She's useless with money.  Make sure YOU aren't.  She can pick her own friends just as you can pick yours.  YOU don't have to like them....but they are her choice.  Just don't let her spend YOUR money.

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