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Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingNewborn & Baby · 3 weeks ago

Is it wrong not to tell in-laws baby has been born?

My in-laws are very ... intrusive and like to tell you what you’re doing wrong. I of course want them to meet our baby but I want just 1 week after I give birth for just my husband and I to bond with our baby. My mother is going to help but it’s my mom and I’m comfortable with her seeing my bits and all... I just don’t want them to come while I’m in labor which they will if they know. Is this wrong? 

I’m very introverted and want the healing process to be very private.


@ A Hunch it 100% matters who sees me when I’m in labor because I’m going through one of the most painful things a person can go through and it’s 100% my right who gets to see me in that state

10 Answers

  • GB
    Lv 5
    1 week ago

    Covid rules will probalby only allow you one birth partner, anyway.

  • 3 weeks ago

    you assume the Baby is all yours, and not your Husband's baby. It's all about you and your mom. obviously you could give a rat's *** about your in-laws or your Husband. Go ahead  be self-fish ,I see a divorce heading your way any-way.

  • 3 weeks ago

    No that isn't wrong at all. You take care of you and your baby, it shouldn't matter if they are in there or not. If you want to be alone, then be alone. If they are there they could probably add on to the post-partum depression that all mothers get. Choose YOU and your baby first

  • 3 weeks ago

    Since when did being in labor become a family viewing event ? Wouldn't covid-19 hospital rules even prevent that anyway?

    A week before you are due...Have your husband MAN-UP and tell your in-laws that you two have decided to have a private birth  (call hospital who may even limit guests to back you up). Then state that you two are requesting a week to bond with your child and when you feel up for their visit you will be happy to introduce your baby to them.

    DO let them know their grand child has been born, otherwise you will create more drama than it's worth, and besides, that is a chitty thing keep a baby's birth a secret. 

    In the mean while, learn to find and use ways to protect your privacy while NOT allowing controlling people to impose upon your lifestyle. In other words, grow a backbone. Set boundaries. Don't allow them to upset you. You have a long road ahead with his family. Learn how to deal with them and let their SON set them straight.

     He needs to use words like "we and our" to let them know you two are a unit and united.

    Also, babies don't have a fantastic immune system and should not be passed around like a hot potatoe. No one saw our baby for 2 weeks.

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  • 3 weeks ago

    You are going to start a family feud if you do this. Let your inlaws know when you are in the hospital, BUT~ tell the hospital that you only want your mother and your husband in labour/delivery with you, no one else, family OR friends. The hospital will abide by your wishes. This way your inlaws won't feel like they are being left out over others. As far as them giving you some privacy, tell them, and everyone else that you and your husband are going to spend a week just by yourselves with the baby, and that you won't be allowing anyone to visit until that week is up. After that have people call before coming to your home. This way you will be given your privacy, and again your inlaws won't feel like they have been singled out. If you lie to them, they will just hold a grudge and make things hard for you later on. Remember, they have as much right to see their grandchild as your parents do.

  • helene
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    They can't come into the hospital before, during, or after labor. Because of the pandemic, you'll be lucky to have one person with you.

    But everyone is going to want to see their newborn grandchild. I have no idea how you can justify not telling them the baby was born, or let your mother see the baby and not allow them, without extremely hard feelings.

    Do you want your inlaws to remember being slighted every single year, on your kid's birthday? "Of course, we weren't *told* about you until a week after you were born, because your mother hates us for some reason, and your dad just went along with it like a wimp."

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    This choice belongs to you and your husband.

    Personally - when I went into labor - we told NO ONE.    My husband and I kept the labor and birth experience completely private.  (I didn't even want my mom there.)

    We notified everyone on the day following the baby's birth.

    For my second baby, the only person who knew we was going to the hospital was the person who was keeping our first baby and she promised not to tell anyone else.

    I don't think I would wait too long to let them know the baby has been born.  They do deserve to know that you and the baby are fine.  Just make it clear that you are not ready for company - then stick to that and don't let them in the house if they show up.  

  • 3 weeks ago

    Who cares who sees you while you in are labor before you go to the hospital?

    You will just look like a very pregnant person, which most of us have seen.

    With covid, most likely only your husband will be allowed in the hospital.  Not your parents.

    It takes a village to raise a child.  You want the child to have the best opportunities. This means allowing your child to bond with everyone who is going to love them and support them. 

    Your mom is "your mom" but your husband's parent's are your husband's "mom & dad".  Since you understand that it's "our" baby (you didn't say "my" baby), then you understand that your in-laws are as welcome as your mom.

    In response to the comments:

    Sure, it's your right.

    But you don't seem to grasp that this is your family too.  They want to help you, they want to love on the newborn.

  • 3 weeks ago

    They will never forgive you, if you do not tell them the baby has been born.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    They cannot come in when you are in labor unless you give them permission. Make it clear to your carers exactly who can and cannot be there. They will make sure of it. 

    As for waiting a week to tell them, I think that's cruel and I imagine that it would cause all kinds of problems with them later. You just need to be firm and give them a certain time when they can visit and then tell them when it's time to go and make sure your husband fully backs you up. 

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