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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 weeks ago

Getting pressure to find someone I just moved?

I got married when I was 25 and got divorced officially in November 2019. I took the time during the pandemic to focus on myself. I decided to move across country since I have no kids or anything. I started a new job last month in a new city. I’m getting a lot of pressure from family to try to find a new boyfriend/husband. My family keeps telling me things like you’re not getting any younger you’re 32, you have no kids, you’ve already been divorced. I really just want to take my time and make friends. Am I wrong to do this? Should I be solely focused on finding a husband or boyfriend or whatever? I just want to enjoy myself and socialize is there anything wrong with this? I’m just not in a rush to jump back into a relationship after my divorce. I want to focus on myself and enjoy my life. Everyone keeps telling me I’m not getting any younger and if I want to have kids I need to settle down soon but I’m just not ready to settle down right this second. Is there anything wrong with this? I had not been single since college so I just want to enjoy my life.

14 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 days ago

    The best way to "find a husband" is to not be looking for one. So just live your life and if it happens, it happens. 

  • 2 weeks ago

    Most people meet their successful romantic relationships in the course of their life. While doing what they like to do, working where they like, investing in their hobbies, developing their social core. You go right ahead doing what you want to. You're an adult woman in charge of herself. Persevere! Keep in mind that you do not have any children on purpose. It wasn't a mistake. It's been on purpose. That is totally okay! Don't let your Momma's drama about this be your drama too. 

  • 2 weeks ago

    Clearly, the most rewarding accomplishment you afforded "yourself" was moving away from family and your old life to begin a new, however, that doesn't necessarily stop them from rummaging around within your already unsettled heart and emotions that's playing catch-up with your daily life as it is.  Your words: I really just want to take my time and make friends. Am I wrong to do this? Not in the slightest as you've so far followed their wishes despite not being aware that you had as "grooming" one's children aren't considered an offence but lord knows it should be in many cases as it can seriously have a damaging effect during adulthood! So, you've got my vote. Again your words: Should I be solely focused on finding a husband or boyfriend or whatever? I just want to enjoy myself and socialize is there anything wrong with this? It's been a difficult time for the entire world and its effect is going to impact greatly on people looking for Mr or Mrs Right let alone just trying to find one's feet and just adjust to getting back socializing, as lord knows, it's not going to stop those "in-your-face" types characters from resuming their daily annoyances they plagued us boys/girls/men/women all with before the lockdown heaven help us all. And your family are included in that as far as you're concerned, hence, your Q. So, I wish you the very best of luck and hope you can achieve your aim and not theirs and belated Happy Easter to you.

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    2 weeks ago

    You can do that and try to have children later but there's no guarantee it will happen later in life if you want.  Good luck and God bless.

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  • Anonymous
    2 weeks ago

    Don't let anyone derail you from staying true to yourself, it will never steer you wrong..

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    You are not wrong, and tell you family to butt out of your life. When they start tell them subject ios not open for discussion, and if the keep at it, hang up. It is your life, do it YOUR way, not the damn family. Family do not belong in telling you how to run your life. Enjoy and tell them to go  " F " themselves.

  • 2 weeks ago

    Tell me again.....let's are an ADULT over the age of 18, correct?  Then WHY do you even give a shyte what your family thinks?  WhY do you ALLOW them to pressure you?  WHOSE life is it again?  You need to harshly TELL your family to mind their own goddamned business and YOU need to get on with your new chapter in life and build your career.  There's PLENTY of time yet for marriage, especially if it's going to be the SECOND time around.  Ignore your family, they're selfish.  You get out there and ENJOY LIFE!!  

  • 2 weeks ago

    I, myself, applaud you for your down-to-earth common sense and intelligence over this. Janet Jackson had her first child at fifty! There are, of course advantages and disadvantages and disadvantages of being single, having children, etc., and you must live your life the way you choose, not what your family want. 

    Good Luck!

  • 2 weeks ago

    Why would you want to focus on finding a husband when you don't even date right now? And your family (or no one) should ever pressure you about what you do in your personal life. That's a huge intrusion.  I'd tell them just that - they are intruding.

    Live your life according to what YOU want to do - always.  Never have kids or get married at the suggestion of family. It takes a very special emotional bond to even consider getting married and starting a family. It also takes a willingness to want those things.

    Take care of YOU.  

    You said you want to enjoy your life, so do that!  And don't let your family pressure you. I wouldn't even discuss it with them.  Again, i'd tell them their comments and urgings are intrusions on your life.  Because they are.  

  • Anonymous
    2 weeks ago

    They will keep asking if you don’t put an end to it.

    Hopefully politely.  Personally I would probably get snarky about it.  I am happy and when I am ready to date I will.  Until then please don’t feel the need to tell me how old I am or how I am suppose to be married with kids.

    You can change the subject abruptly  or Hey the timer went off I have to hang up.  - every time they bring it up. Any excuse will do. 

    My daughter and her husband are really getting the when are you two going to have a baby.   I waiting for one of them to explode and scream When we are damn well ready to and that might be never so back off.

    Quit letting others influence you.  You know what you should be doing and you are doing it. Enjoy your new job, new home and new friends. 

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